Let Them Be Little

DID YOU KNOW

THAT MAY is 'Celiac Disease Awareness' month (in several states)?

Neither did I.

But I do now.

It seems fitting that I, the girl who was born on Labor Day, would become aware that I have celiac disease during celiac disease awareness month.

The biopsies confirmed that.

They also confirmed that I do NOT have cancer.

Such a relief.

We are grateful.

Celiac disease is something I can learn to control; I have already started learning a lot about the disease. But I have a lot more to learn in order to get healthy.

I have been told that gluten is hidden in a lot of things, not just food but in vitamins and supplements, prescriptions, and in a lot of things you wouldn't think would contain gluten. So I will need to constantly check all labels and ask a lot of questions in order to get healthy and then stay healthy!

My brain is already in celiac overload. (So is the rest of my body, apparently, ha!)

Education and information are like a shield and sword that will help me fight the ill effects of the disease.

Well, that and

100% compliance to the celiac diet is a must. (I can't even tell you how many times I was told that; it's important and it must be hard for people).

Which is fine with me. I will gladly trade food for health.

There is a good possibility that once I am able to get the celiac disease under control, my lupus symptoms may also improve.

Wouldn't that be great?!

YES! It would!

 

IT'S NOT EVEN MOTHER'S DAY YET

AND ALREADY it's the BEST!!

"That's why I couldn't be happier..."

Jonathan and the kids really surprised me! Seriously surprised me with the biggest Mother's Day surprise, ever.

This morning, Jonathan left to take care of some things. He was gone a couple of hours, when he came home, I was laying down in bed (I had been up but needed to take a rest). He came to talk to me and was acting rather strange.  I asked why he was acting a little weird and he said his leg was cramping.  And he ran down the stairs...

I thought to myself, "Okay, well that was weird, I wonder what happened..."

A few minutes later, he came back up the stairs and said he had gotten me an early mother's day gift and he wanted to give it to me now.

Well, okay!  Who would turn down a gift?  Not me!

I sat up in bed and I could hear Smash coming up the stairs. Thinking he would be carrying whatever Jonathan had gotten for me (since Jonathan had a cramping leg) I turned to see what he was bringing...it was Nathan!

I screamed! Really.  I screamed!

At first I couldn't believe my eyes. I thought I was seeing Nathan in Smash.

When I looked at the proud smile that Jonathan was wearing, I realized it was REALLY Nathan!

It was absolutely the best surprise and gift ever!  I have all of my kids home for mother's day.

What a gift. They are and have always been the greatest gift I could ever receive.

Thank you for the sweetest surprise. I love you all!

That's why I couldn't be happier. This song (titled Thank Goodness) from my favorite musical, Wicked, started going through my head just after the house was filled with these wonderful people.

Since I will be soaking up as much time as possible with my family, I am not sure if I will get a Mother's Day post prepared for tomorrow.

Happy Mother's Day to all.  Most especially to our own mothers! We love you!!

THE GOOD

AND THE not so GOOD.

But mostly I believe it is good. 

The other day, I wasn't doing very well and I told Emily that sometimes I think it is easier to be sick than to try to get well. It was in a weak moment after lots of poking and prodding and bruising, etc.

They are tearing me down in order to build me back up.

I shared with my mom-in-law a couple of weeks ago that I envision myself as a phoenix rising from the ashes. Silly, I know.

Yesterday was one of the best days I have had in a long, long time.

Since I have not been able to take the iron, it has been nice for me to not have to be sick for the days surrounding those infusions. (But if I could take it, I would - it was helping me!)

In the morning, I felt terrible and thought it might not be a very good day. It had been a rough night for me, along with what I have going on we had some not too happy people in this house before we all went to bed. And that bothered me all night while I tried to figure out how to help hurt feelings heal.

Needless to say, I was wiped out before the day really began.  After the kids and Jonathan left for the day, I fell asleep. It may have been a couple of hours that I slept, I don't really know. But when I woke up, I felt better! There was an energy spurt welling up within me. It occurred to me that this energy spurt was significant and I should put it to good use. So, I got to work on a couple of windows (insides only) that have been bugging me and a couple of light fixtures. It made me so happy to feel that I had accomplished something! Something other that laundry...

Then I showered, laid down for a bit afterward and then went to see the doc.

The pathology did not come back in time for my appointment with my Hulk doctor; I suspected that would be the case. But that's okay because I see the GI doc on Monday and he will have results.

The iron infusions were helping my blood to build. That was good news.

We were very excited about that. I felt that it was helping, my head has been more 'clear'. My heart isn't pounding as hard as it was. Still dizzy and light headed along with several other things but it's getting better.

He was excited to let me know that my blood levels have come up out of the life-threatening range.

Thank heaven for that!

Now, he is trying to figure out how to get more iron in me without having the iron kill me...his words were, "I don't want to have you come out of a life threatening situation with your blood to kill you with iron."

We laughed a little at that but it is serious, darn.

Since I have gotten through the procedures and should hear back about pathology, he thought we would talk about blood transfusion.

Which he said may still be necessary. There is a lot to consider.

My body is still not able to absorb the iron from food and supplements and now that I have adversely reacted to the IV iron, he doesn't quite know what to do next and said he would do some research on the best way to get the iron into me (while keeping me alive).

He said while he researches other options for me, he will talk to the GI doc and see how long it will take to have villi return (so I can absorb nutrients again).

So, my job this week while he looks into all of this, is to keep building blood!

If it keeps building then I will build it on my own over the next months.

If it falls again, he will have me get a transfusion.

In the beginning, I was really hoping to build my own blood but after all that I have been through, I am not opposed to a transfusion. I know it would help me feel better sooner.

His findings in my blood go along with the early findings of the endoscopy, so they are pretty certain that it is Celiac Disease that is keeping me from being able to build blood.

Yet it is necessary to have the biopsy confirm - they say it is the only way to be certain. Apparently there are a lot of folks who should be tested for the disease. And there are many people who have self-diagnosed and believe that they suffer from the disease but might not and without a biopsy they can't know for sure.

As far as the blood volume goes, still not certain where, when or how it got so low in the first place. It is clear that I have been suffering from it for a long time. (I wish I could go back in time and fix this earlier, I believe it would have helped me cope better with some difficulties we faced a while back).

Anyway, we should have more answers on Monday or at least understand more.

After the appt. I got to watch Smash soar through the air. Love it!

Then I came home exhausted and out of it and feeling happy.

 

 

THE PROCEDURES

WENT WELL.

A little discomfort afterward and very tired but I was in good hands.

Once we arrived at the hospital, the jitters of the previous days left and I felt completely peaceful.

Several biopsies were taken.

Tomorrow I meet with the hematologist (oncologist and internal medicine) doctor. I don't think the pathology will be back yet from the biopsies last Thursday, but it would be nice!

Next week I have an appointment to meet with the doctor (the boy doctor - he looked like a kid to me! I hope I didn't say that out loud as I was going under...it's the last thing I remember thinking!) who took the biopsies so he can go over the pathology reports with me.

He found scalloping on the walls of my small intestine and the villi were gone. That indicates celiac disease, another auto immune disease.

He feels that I do have that but we will know for sure when the pathology is in.

After doing some research on it, I can see how I would completely overlook the symptoms of that disease, if I do in fact have it - so many symptoms are like Lupus. The things I live with, have been living with for years, that are Lupus in nature, are not things that I talk to anyone about, it is just part of my life.

I am so thankful that we are getting closer to finding out what is happening. The more we know, the more we have found that this has been life threatening and I have been very blessed!

Since the villi in the small intestine are not there now, I am not able to absorb the much needed nutrients from food.  Like IRON! And all of the other necessary nutrients to keep this body running.

So far I have found out that they can come back but it takes a long time, not certain just how long yet but I am hoping to have question answered tomorrow.

Once they come back, I can begin to absorb nutrients again, like IRON! Which in turn will help to build up my blood. (Wouldn't that be great?!)

The question now is, do I wait those many, long months in order to try to get better, or get a transfusion and feel better sooner? How much longer can my organs keep working over time with a lack of blood?

Which would  be more healthy for me now and in the long run? To transfuse...or not to transfuse...

Also questions I hope to have answers for soon.

Still no clear answer on where, why and when on all of the blood loss...not sure if that will be answered with the pathology, or if we will ever have a clear answer.

My hemoglobin and hematocrit have come up a little with all of that iron, I hope I will be able to accept the iron and do it again...I want to be able to feel better (sooner rather than later).

This is a process that we have to go through but I feel like we are getting closer and closer to answers.

Once we get some answers, we can arm ourselves with information and education

and perhaps I can get well.

Oh, today I had to go get my blood drawn again. Emily took me, which meant she got to meet Banana peel girl (Erin). She was so excited to meet her; you would have thought Erin was a celebrity! When I introduced them, Erin said, "Hi! I'm your mom's favorite vampire!" That is true.

Erin took one look at the butcher job the nurse did to my arm last Thursday - yes I have a big huge bruise on my arm from the IV - and said to me, "I want names!" She was appalled that the nurse who gave me the IV would do that to me.

I didn't give her names but loved that she cares for me. She's a friend.

A BIT OF A HITCH IN MY GIDDY-UP

It's a little set back.

Last Friday evening I had a bad reaction - very red and swollen hands with welts that were beginning to go up my arms.

I took Benadryl and went to bed.

Yesterday I went for my next round of iron (and saline) and had a bit of a rash on my arms, nothing like the Friday evening episode but enough that I thought I should mention it.

My IV pusher, Robyn, (that sounds disrespectful to call her that but my veins and arm are still in pain from the last time!) thought it would still be okay but checked in with my doctor while I was getting prepped.

He said, "STOP!" 

Looks like I have become intolerant to the iron.

No more iron, at least until after I have my other procedures this week and see him next week. And maybe never again...we will see.

This was discouraging news, since I cannot absorb it through iron supplements and food and now I cannot take it through the IV...discouraging and deflating.

The little black cloud of worry was hanging over my head all evening. How will I build my blood supply without the iron?

But as I have thought about it and prayed, I have felt that right now, all is being done that can be done. It's a process, one that I need to go through in order to get well.

It's a set back, not the end.

Just a little hitch in my giddy-up!

So, I will patiently (and light-headed-ly) wait.

 

I'M GOING TO TUCK THIS little update IN HERE

between some other things so that not everyone will have to read it.

Those who want to know how I'm doing will look for the update, so I am certain they will find it.

But this is not my favorite thing to talk about...so it makes me a little uncomfortable to have it front and center.

Friday's iron was really hard. I thought by now it would be getting better.

My veins were not happy to have another IV placed in them again.

And so they rebelled.

That was not nice, not nice at all.

It was so painful trying to get the IV in that I thought I would pass out.

So did Robyn, my IV pusher.

She was really worried, I have her every time and this was the most difficult so far.

Once she was in, getting it to advance further into the vein was nearly impossible and it brought tears to my eyes.

If I wasn't already continually light headed and close to passing out, I think I would have been able to tough it out a little better.

She had me do some deep breathing, asked me to stay with her, and did her best to get it over with as quickly as possible.

She got it done and had me wrapped in a warm blanket asap.

My blood pressure was still too low, so she gave me another 1,000 ml of saline after the iron; which was appreciated.

What worried me most though happened that evening. My hands began to swell and turn bright red, then they got welts on them and the hives/welts began to go up my arms. I took Benadryl and went to bed and that helped a lot.

I hope that I am still able to tolerate the iron and that I will not react adversely tomorrow when I go in for more.

I'm going to check with Robyn and see what she thinks before we get started again tomorrow.

Because of the reaction Friday night, I thought Saturday would be a bad day but I did alright. We went to Megan's game and it was so nice for me to get outside - and enjoy sunshine and my family!

But I overdid it.

This week is a biggie for me. Lots of procedures to get through.

I'm hoping all will go well.

 

 

THE HAPPY NEWS FOR THE WEEK

My most exciting and happy news for the week is Emily made it back to us!

Yes!

She nearly missed her flight  - it was down to the minute - but she made it and we are happy to have her here.

Since BYU doesn't take a spring break, the students get out earlier than other colleges. So, we get to enjoy having her with us until she goes back to school and work in June.

She is the official chauffeur now that I am not able to drive. I think she likes being behind the wheel again.

We will be putting her other skills to use as well - there are quite a few things I could use some help with while she is here.

Monday I went to another iron-pumping session.  :)

It went better than the time before and I am very thankful for that.

When I arrived, my nurse, sorry - I don't have a nickname for her yet, was worried about me. I had had a very rough weekend and I was not well on Monday. My blood pressure was exceptionally low, even for me. She was worried that I might not tolerate the iron again. She asked if I was willing to stay there longer, take the iron more slowly and also get pumped up with saline while I was there. She felt the saline would help me feel a little better.

Absolutely.

It did take a long time. We were there nearly 3 hours. (Emi even started to fall asleep a little, ya, I saw that, Em!)

1,000 ml of saline. I'll bet my organs were wanting to do the happy dance with all of that liquid coursing through my veins.

Jonathan couldn't stay away, even though I assured him that Emily and I would be fine; he came bearing gifts during the middle of the procedure, smoothies. (Really good, btw!) Thanks, Jon!

My nurse was right, the saline did help me. This time was not nearly as bad. It still wiped me out for the rest of Monday. I don't remember Tuesday all that well. Yesterday was a better day, and I may have enjoyed that a little too much.

So, I am hopeful that more iron will help and I think I would like to ask for a side of saline again! (A large side!)

Oh, I did get to go see banana peel girl and get more blood drawn; don't know my stats yet.

She told me that her 70 yr. old aunt came to visit from Hawaii and had a similar scare. When she got to CO, she felt dizzy and was afraid she was going to pass out. She would fall easily and get hurt. She went to the ER and was given 5 units of blood. They never did find the bleed, so her insurance told her she had to stop looking for the cause, they were done paying for her hospital bills. She had come to visit her husband, he lives here and she lives in Hawaii, she ended up spending her entire vacation in the hospital and then went back home not knowing the cause of her blood loss. She told her niece, Erin - aka banana peel girl, that she would probably feel fine once she was in Hawaii again.

Erin told me that her aunt and uncle have the happiest marriage of anyone she knows but they live apart because her aunt prefers Hawaii and her uncle likes Colorado. They do visit each other often.

Separated by an ocean and several states is one way to not have to hear him snoring... :)

Today was a harder day for me and I was really ready for it to be the best day of the week!

Tomorrow is another iron-pumping day...we begin the cycle again.

Smash also has a track meet. I'm so sad! He is scheduled to vault during the middle of my procedure. By the time I finish, I don't think he will still be going and I don't know that I will still be going either. Hoping for the best though.

I found out that several family members fasted and prayed for me last Sunday. That was very humbling to me.  Thank you to those of you who have been praying for me. I believe that Monday's transfusion went better and that the nurse recognized immediately that I needed extra help that day because she was guided.

Your fasting and prayers have been helpful and very much appreciated. I feel it. Your faith and love buoys me up.

Thank you!

Next week: more iron, an endoscopy with biopsy and a colonoscopy with biopsy.

(I think when I drop something, get wobbly or am forgetful next week, I will say "OPSY" instead of "OOPS!" Seems appropriate.)

Well, I need to get back to bed. I was there earlier but was attacked by a moth - that is now in hiding - this is the 2nd attack this week. Jonathan took care of the 1st moth (which liked diving into my hair) last night. My hair! Isn't that the craziest thing? And my hair is not even fluorescent anymore. :)

But tonight's moth is more cunning, it's better at hiding and it goes for the face.

Just the thought of it diving for me makes me want to avoid sleep tonight. But I am too tired to fight sleep any longer.

Wait - that shouldn't have been included in the happy news. When it is officially gone, it will be happy news - so I will leave it as is.

Night.

IRON WOMAN

Well, I did it.

My first iron transfusion/infusion on Friday.

The best part? The warm blanket!

Tomorrow (Monday) I go back for more, then again on Friday and then I repeat that again next week.

It has taken me a little while to feel up to getting back on here to report.

The iv iron was a little unpleasant during the procedure. Not sure why other than maybe my veins were finding it difficult to support all of that extra volume(?).

But I did alright.

Jonathan was right there with me to help me try to feel more comfotable. He knew how I was feeling by looking at me, I didn't have to say a word. When I felt faint, the foot rest on my chair was raised instantly.

Afterward, I was completely wiped out.  Not able to wake up. I slept for hours and felt so out of it.

Once I was up, it felt as if the flu had invaded my body while I slept, and that is how I have felt the last couple of days.

I'm hoping for a little more fun with the iron tomorrow.  :)   (It would be nice if it gets easier).

Even though I was told that it would take several infusions before I would begin to feel a little better, I was hoping for more; hoping for instant energy.

But I will take what I can get. And hope for the best.

This is how it is right now and frankly, it could be so much worse.

The iron was the color of root beer extract.

My nurse friend sent me a text telling me of one of her recent patients.  His hemoglobin and hematocrit stats were very close to mine, she said, "After a couple of units of blood he could finally remember his name! You must feel awful!!"

I've been asked why I haven't gone in for a blood transfusion. If I were to end up in the ER for any reason, they would be required to give me one. However, if I have to have one, it would be better to get it from my doctor at his cancer center.

He wants to try to help me build my blood on my own while he hunts down the reasons for loss and why I don't absorb iron.

When he asked me to go in for the iron transfusions, I asked him about the iron and how it would be able to do what it needed to do when my blood volume is so low. (Thinking that iron needs good red blood cells to attach to). There is so much I don't know about our remarkable bodies and how they work! But I am learning more and more each day.

He told me that the iron in the blood is like the bricks and mortar while building a home, it helps to frame and hold the structure together.

So, hopefully, those red blood cells are building a happy home with all of this beautiful new iron.

The next photo is not for the FAINT of heart...don't look if you are squeamish.  (Smash!)

 

Just wanted to show that root beer extract looking liquid filling my veins.

WHAT'S A MOTTO?

NOTHING!  What's a motto with you?!  (ha, ha!)

Remember that funny line from The Lion King?

(During the song Hakuna Matata).

 

Today Jonathan came home during his lunch hour to take me for a drive, so I could get out of the house and see the outdoors. (Not a doctor's office...).

That was such a refresher for me. We drove up by our property; it's so beautiful and peaceful there - still trying to decide what we should do with it...to build or not to build...that I can think about another day.

While we were out the sun was shining and the clouds were fluffy. They were also in abundance but somehow the sun continued to shine brightly. The mountains were sparkling with fresh snow along the peaks.

Many of the trees are still blooming beautifully with spring colors.

Such beauty in this world!

Nathan told me that one of his close friends, Wilson, has decided to serve a mission. He is so excited for Wilson, this is really great news. They were good buddies at church and in high school, but Wilson is about a foot - a foot and a half taller.  :)

Wilson also honored Nathan with something very special today; the mentor pin from when he received the rank of Eagle. It brought tears to my eyes when Nathan told me he gave it to him today. What a sweet and thoughtful tribute.

My friend, Gina, brought Megan home from school today. It was fun to see the two of them come bounding happily through the door together.

I really do appreciate the help that others have offered to us right now.

It began to rain and thunder just before Gina left. It was a good soaking rain, how I love that! We need it, CO has been unusually dry. We could smell the rain and hear the water spray off the tires of cars as they drove by - how I love that too!

Megan and I watched a little Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I bought the 1st season a little while ago thinking that she would like it. Since she didn't have Lacrosse today and no homework, we decided to pop some popcorn and have a little afternoon/evening movie time.

That was such fun, Megan is now a Dr. Quinn fan so I am sure we will have more movie dates to come.

We were still watching an episode when Smash came home from track, looks like he might also be interested? It happened to be a very 'manly' episode, ha, ha!

Smash is doing great at pole vault. He is right at 11 feet now, I can't wait to see him master that height in competition. He is working really hard to achieve it and improve daily.

Emi comes home in less than 48 hours! Woohoo!! And she is going to be so happy to drive, drive, drive! Since I can't, she will be doing a lot of driving - which I know she has missed while she's been at college. Fun for us both!

Tomorrow I go in for the first of my 5 ordered iron transfusions by my 'Hulk' doctor.

(You may be wondering why I call him that. He is neither green nor very large. But a doctor with specialties in hematology, oncology and internal medicine sounds like a doctor who went to medical school and asked, "Could you super-size me?" 

Although I joke about that, he is more than qualified to really help a lot of people - so I am glad he is on the case.)

As far as tomorrow goes, I am a bit nervous about it yet excited to see if it will help me to feel better while we figure out where my blood has gone (and is going) and why I cannot rebuild it.

Please pray that I will not have an adverse reaction to the mega-iron, which can happen and is brutal if it does.  I would really like this to work.

Now that I put that out there, I won't worry.

I'll keep thinking of the "motto"

Hakuna Matata!

:)

 

RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT

I AM DEBATING.

Debating with myself.

On what, you ask?

Whether or not I should share this here.

 

For    d a y s  I have been avoiding the subject - for several reasons -

but tonight I feel like I should explain a few things.

One reason I hesitate is because I know how much people are suffering right now.

Several good folks are in our constant thoughts and prayers.

 

My concern in sharing is that someone may feel that I am complaining and I don't want to come across that way, at all.

The struggles I am dealing with are minimal compared to what they could be.

 

But what I do have going on is serious, serious enough that Jon and I have several concerns.

 

Last week, I went to see the doctor .

My appointment was in the late afternoon so I didn't fast.

Since I wasn't fasting, I was asked to come back in order to get blood drawn.

My week was busy and I had the dry needling procedure done so I couldn't go back in for the lab-work for several days.

I determined that Friday would be the day.

Friday morning came and I woke up feeling terrible. I did not want to fast and go have blood drawn.

Thinking to myself that it could just wait until the next week, I decided to skip it and rest.

Just as soon as I had decided to "skip it" I had a strong impression that I needed to go in and get it done - sooner rather than later.

Long ago - at an early age - I learned to follow those 'feelings' or 'impressions' always, and immediately.

So, that is what I did.

I left right away for the lab.

I didn't even change out of my sweats - that's a big deal for me!

(I always dress as nicely as possible before going out).

 

Side-note: a sweet little encounter happened there.

As I walked in through the 2nd set of double doors to the medical center, I turned slightly and noticed a lady trying to juggle many things in her hands and arms while dangling a banana peel off of one finger.

We've all been there, haven't we?

Knowing it would be hard for her to negotiate the doors and her cumbersome load, I turned, went back outside and opened the doors for her.

She was very thankful and as we entered, I noticed she was wearing scrubs.

So, I asked her if she could tell me where the lab was located, she pointed me in the right direction and off I went.

As I was signing in at the lab (while telling the nice receptionist there how much I liked her hair), in walked the banana peel girl.

We had a little laugh and I opened the door for her once again.

When it was my turn to have my blood drawn, guess who came to get me?

Yes, the banana peel girl.

As I got up to go with her, she opened the door for me and said, "Now it's my turn to open the door for YOU!"

We laughed a little at that. :)

She was the kindest phlebotomist I have ever had.

And my veins were not giving blood easily that day - but she never hurt me!

Side-note moral: It doesn't ever hurt to open doors for people.  :)

 

Pretty soon after I had my blood drawn, I had a call from the doctor. She felt it was urgent that I speak with her.

Not all of my labs were back yet but she had one result that had been sent to her urgently.

She talked to me about my blood level. How dangerously low it is. How worried she is for me, etc.

We determined by my symptoms that I have been seriously low for a long time.

Probably a very long time, I have just adapted to it.

She was concerned about my organs and how they may be damaged by this, she also began talking about transfusion.

She told me what I needed to pick up from the pharmacy immediately.

She gave me her cell phone number and asked me to call her over the weekend if I needed to go to the ER or had any trouble whatsoever.

She said a lot of things to me, some of them were very complimentary, which was really nice given the rest of it was a little scary.

She gave me my stats. Asked me to take extra caution and care; not to get into an accident, not to fall again, etc.

But my head was swimming...transfusion?  Damaged organs? ER?

How low could my blood be?

Apparently very, very low.

My stats were sent via text to my sis, who is my lab genius, and she was very concerned and let me know that if I were in her hospital, I would be getting an immediate transfusion.

That was echoed by my nurse friends in other hospitals as well. 

 

On Monday morning the doc called to tell me she was getting me in to see a specialist.

This specialist is like the HULK of all doctors.

He is a hematologist, oncologist, internal medicine doctor, and has a cancer center.

He told me I am running on half the amount of blood that I should be.

Half.

Oh, that low!

He talked through some of the possible reasons for such a great amount of blood loss.

He did rule out Lupus related blood loss immediately, stating that I would have more blood than I do now if it were Lupus related. 

We went over treatment, depending on the reason for the loss,

and whether or not I will be able to rebuild my blood on my own.

We talked about the pros and cons of a transfusion but he would like to know what is happening to the blood before we do anything else. Of course.

And he decided he needed to run his own tests in order to determine how to best treat me.

Which meant another blood draw.

5 more vials of blood.

Back to banana peel girl.  :)

(So glad we are friends now, I will be seeing a lot of her!)

 

As I wait to find out more, I have to be careful, very careful. 

I haven't been able to drive, and even when I am a little more clear headed and feel that I might be able to drive a little, I am worried.  If I were to pass out or if I were not as alert as I should be and I caused harm to someone else, I would not be able to live with that.

My doctor has also made it clear that I cannot afford to lose more blood, I am already critically low.

And more.

 

With every step I take now, I am so careful.

Jonathan is my chauffeur. He has also taken on all of the running around for the kids. (Which is a lot!)

It makes me feel terrible, and grateful all at the same time.

Grateful that he can and is willing to help, and terrible that I can't do it.

But I can't.

Normally I would will myself to keep going and doing,

I am just not well enough.

The need to stay as well as possible is most important now.

Jon has a lot going on at work right now, it is an important time for him and I hate to cause him more stress.

You should see the stress in his face. I wish it was about work

but I know that look, he is worried about me.

 

Last week he was working through some other bad news: a good friend here with terminal cancer, a dear friend in TX who is not doing well at all, an aunt in CA who is in ICU and currently struggling for life, and then my news.

Megan was asking me about everyone and getting updates when she said, "Dad is not having a very good week, is he?!"

 

As far as the situation with my blood loss goes, you are probably asking the questions that I have been asking of myself?

How in the world did I not know?

How in the world did I let it go so far?

 

I don't have a good answer for that.

 

Complaining of being tired isn't an option for me, everyone feels tired and so I stopped saying that I was tired many years ago. 

When I have felt faint and/or light-headed and dizzy, I chalked it up to overexertion,

or once we came to CO, the high altitude. I also blamed that feeling on waiting too long to eat.

My inability to feel focused and able to make decisions I blamed on feeling a little blue after the move, and lack of sleep, pain from my back, etc.

(The inability to think quickly and make decisions easily has actually been one of the symptoms that has been the hardest for me to deal with.)

We came up with several reasons for the falls I have taken.

Other signs/symptoms have been blamed on Lupus

or my age (perimenopausal), lack of food and/or sleep,

my back issues - pain can make you feel terrible in a lot of ways...

so, that is how I didn't know.

There seemed to be an explanation for everything.

 

Ha! And there is an explanation, just not any that I had thought of.

 The human body is amazing! The way it adapts to terrible circumstances is a wonder.

 

 

DRY NEEDLING

A new craft.

Ha, ha! 

Just kidding. 

Hope that didn't disappoint anyone.

It is the latest procedure that I am trying for my back.

A physical therapy approach where the needles are inserted into the muscle next to my spine in the areas of injury.

 

Here is an explanation of this method:

"One of the theories behind TDN {dry needling} is that trigger points are known to have abnormal electrical activity and are surrounded by numerous chemicals known to cause inflammation. Research has shown that when a needle is successfully inserted into a trigger point and causes a local twitch response, it can return the electrical and chemical environment within the muscle to its normal state and the muscle “lets go.” Deactivated trigger points draw white blood cells and plasma cells into the area and create a healing response. In addition, trigger points are known to exhibit an altered PH and altered rate of neuro transmitters."

 

 And another explanation from another source:

 "A healthy muscle feels very little discomfort with insertion of this needle. However if the muscle is sensitive and shortened or has active trigger points within it, the subject will feel a sensation like a muscle cramp –‘the twitch response’. The patient also may feel a reproduction of “their” pain which is a helpful diagnostic indicator for the practitioner attempting to diagnose the cause of the person’s symptoms. People soon learn to recognize and even welcome this sensation as it results in deactivating the trigger point, reducing pain and restoring normal length function to the involved muscle."

 

This is not an easy procedure, and according to my PT, since my injury is severe, the muscles along there have clamped down around the spine and discs like a vise - in order to protect the injury. (Puts a whole new understanding to the phrase "...like a vise grip" for me!)

The dry needling procedure shocks those muscles or resets them so I can get some relief and try to get blood and healing to the injured discs. 

Just after I have it done, it feels like I have injured it all over again but by day 3 it seems to give some relief.

As my back begins to heal, the dry needling will hurt less.  And continue to help more.

I am ALL for that!

Even though I do not enjoy the procedure at all and it sends me through the roof (really!), I am willing to do anything to help my back to heal.

The procedure puts me down for a couple of days at a time, so I am trying to do a little catching up on blog entries.  :)

MY FITNESS PAL

Have you heard of it?

With my current (and past year) back issues, I have had a lot of trouble keeping physically fit and healthy.

One of the struggles with that has been weight gain. And for me, the recent gain is significant.

That is definitely something I do not like to deal with - at all.

Any weight gain will not help my back, so I need to try to find ways to keep on top of this.

When I saw my doctor this week, she suggested I try the 'my fitness pal' app that I can put on my iPhone.  It is a FREE app.

If you are trying to get healthier, i.e. track your fitness, gain weight, lose weight, track workouts, water intake, etc., this is a great place to do it.

According to the app, I have been under-eating. I tend to eat a lot of veggies, beans, etc., which you think would be great and fine but the app is telling me too little could be sending my body into a starvation mode and therefore is holding on to everything...

So, I have been trying to eat the right amount of calories and I hope it will help me.  We will see.

The app has already been helpful because it serves as a reminder to eat on time and not skip meals.

My fitness pal is also offered online, it is a free service. 

In the hope that someone else might be able to benefit from this, I am sharing the info here.

 

SUPER SWEET, VERY GIGGLY, FUN AND BUSY VALENTINE'S DAY

We chose to spend our Valentine's evening with these sweet, excited, NERVOUS, and very giggly girls.

I'm sure it wasn't Jonathan's first choice for our evening together but we did have a great time and these sweet little ladies made it one I won't forget.

One of my three volunteer positions in church (callings) is working with these young girls. And I love each one of them. They are so happy and fun. (More on the others later).

For the last couple of months we have been preparing for this evening (it was actually scheduled for last week originally but we were asked to change the date at the last minute; which left V-day as our only option).

We decided back in Nov. that we would like to do something nice for their parents. So, we planned a nice dinner - babysitting included, thanks Meg and Smash! 

In preparation, the girls learned about etiquette and how to serve properly. They learned how to plan and carry out a dinner party and how to make an invitation. They learned how to sew (and iron since we had to iron while sewing and most had not ever done that) and made these super cute matching aprons! They loved sewing! I think every girl really enjoyed those activities.

 They each worked really hard to be ready for the big night!

 When the girls arrived at the church that evening, they came to check in with me. They all looked so cute in their red, pink and white! But some of them, at least half were SO nervous! Some of the girls were even shaking! Trembling with fear!

I was surprised that they were so nervous.  They needed a lot of reassurance. They had so many questions.  What if...this happens?  What if...that happens?  What if...I? And so forth.

Not one girl wanted to make a mistake.  They were so sweet and cared very much about this special evening for their parents.

 After lots of reassurance and some reminders, it was show time! 

On the way in to serve they were very serious.

On the way out of the room, they giggled and giggled!

The girls literally hovered over their parents and made certain that all their needs were met - and then some.  We had to gently remind them that their parents also needed time to eat and talk to each other.  They looked at me like I was crazy when I said their parents would like to talk to each other...so that's when I threw in the words, "and think romantical thoughts..."(from Monsters, Inc.)  ha, ha!  In one chorus they all moaned, "EWWW!" But they left their parents alone for a little while.  :)

While coming in to get another plate for her parent, one girl said, "Serving is a LOT of work! It's a lot of back and forth, back and forth..., not sure I want to be a waitress any more." 

 Enjoying a little taste of what their parents were eating - while letting their parents think romantical thoughts. :)

I must say thanks to my own sweethearts who helped me a bunch!

Meg and Smash babysat and played with the younger siblings of these girls so the parents could be totally free.

And Jonathan helped me by getting the kids to where they needed to be all day while I made homemade pasta and prepared for the evening.  Although it wasn't a real celebration for us that day, what he did in helping me was the best gift I could have been given.

I really appreciated it! (And needed it!)

FOOD FOR THOUGHT

OR DREAMS.

The kids love to listen to music while they study and the music selections vary greatly.

But sometimes, there is a song that they want to play over and over...and over...

which is fine, usually.

This song, however, is goofy and gets stuck in my head the way peanut butter gets glued to the roof of the mouth!

And when this song gets stuck in my head, it does funny things, like enter my dreams!

Take a listen...a good listen.  I warn you, it is silly but oh, so funny with a catchy tune.

Download 11 Peanut Butter and Jelly

(the fun part of the song begins about 1/3 of the way through)

Everyone knows I like a good mystery

and we did play a little "CLUE" over the break.

Just thought I should give that as some background.

 

The other night, I awoke at probably around 3 AM singing that song!  I couldn't believe it.

1. Why was I singing in my sleep?

2. And that song?

Well, it took a little while for me to get back to sleep but I was finally able to get my mind off of things and get back to bed.

Not too long after I had fallen asleep, I was once again awake.

But I woke up during the middle of a dream - so I remember it.

I later wrote down a little of that dream, so I wouldn't forget.

It was about that song!

(Not sure how I would forget this one, it isn't every day I dream about PB and J!)

The dream took place in the pantry, a nice walk-in pantry.

Everyone was there: peanut butter, jelly, honey, nutella, beans, tomatoes, spices, rice, oatmeal, cereal, etc. 

You get the picture.

(I was not hungry, in case you are wondering...)

They were all living in the pantry, going off to work, talking with each other, they were even dressed nicely - for jars and cans.

It was a nice little pantry community.

It was clear that Peanut Butter and Jelly were planning to be married.  Honey was sweet on Peanut Butter but he wasn't sweet on her. He only had eyes for Jelly.

Jelly was darling and very sweet. And she was quite the little worker!

They were all going about their every day lives when there was a very unfortunate occurrence.  One that had never happened before - in their pantry city.

A murder had taken place during the night.

Peanut butter was distraught and was trying to ease the blow for Jelly as he told her of the news.

The news brought a halt to everything that was going on in the pantry.

A can of tomatoes had been cut open and spilled on the shelf.

I saw it.

It was disturbing (during the dream).

While some of the pantry folks were standing over the tomatoes and wondering who would have done such a thing,

I thought to myself, "I hope it isn't a cereal killer!"

Just then the law came in to investigate.

Salt and Pepper.

Not just any salt and pepper though.  They were the very tall salt and pepper mills, all decked out in uniforms and badges.

They looked awesome! 

They were very serious about the investigation and they were asking great questions...

that is when I woke up for the day!

 

Oh, how I wish I could have finished that one...

 ***

Megan had a great idea:

 She would like everyone to add their own endings to my dream,

so, Who dunnit?

Leave your awesome conclusions in the comments section, this should be lots of fun if you will leave your thoughts on how this little mystery ends!

Thanks!

 

 

IMAGINE MY SURPRISE

 when I found these photos that the kids had taken while we were on our trip to Alaska back in June and July of 2008!  

The other day I needed another SD card for my camera. My favorite one is full and I don't want to erase it - still have the jitters about my computer and I don't want to lose the photos. I know, I know, trust issues...

So, I grabbed an old card that I don't ever use and when I put it into the computer to upload the photos, these precious photos were there!  Taken from the kids point of views; mostly Meg and Smash as the photographers.

I was so excited to see these and to see the changes in the kids in the last few years.  2008 doesn't seem all that long ago and yet a lot has happened and changed since then; many of those changes are evident in their faces alone. 

The photo below is of Meg and I on a bus in Denali National Park.  Look at Nathan and Emily just behind us.

 

Here we are with the girls. Emily had long hair then and had it in braids.

 

 And here we are with the boys.  Smash smiled in photos back then! 

Not the best photo of us but I had to show just how much Smash and Nathan have changed since then:

Smash was SMILING in photos then. :)

 

Although the moose photo is a little blurry, it's fun to remember all of the moose we saw - as well as other wonderful animals and scenery.

The blond in the photo below is me. 

Just kidding, it's not a Mar-bear, it's a real bear.

  The kids zoomed in on him, or her:

 

Kids are great, aren't they?  There were a lot of photos taken of this next creature! Ha, ha!

They did make friends with him, he followed them all over while we were stopped at this little picnic area.

But they took a lot more photos of him than they did of the moose or bear, or anything else.  I love kids!

 

I think Meg took the photo below of Smash; it's so cute.

 

 

The kids caught whales too - - on camera.

Whale back.

 

Whale tail.

 

 

2!

And the photo below is a really great capture.  Not sure who took it but he/she managed to capture the sea lions on the rocks and a whale in the water next to them.  Really cool!

 There are many more photos but that's all I will share for now.  It's a lot, I know.

What a very fun find for me, I'm kind of happy that they were tucked away until now because it makes them seem even more special.

Great job at capturing these photos!

Kids, do you remember taking them?

IF YOU CAN'T BE WITH THE ONE YOU LOVE -

LOVE THE ONE(s) YOU'RE WITH...

One of the young moms from our new church congregation recently gave birth to twins.   A little boy and a girl.  They are so sweet and really mellow! Their mom needed a little help, someone to come over and hold babies, change and feed them, and do a little light cleaning while she took a shower, ate a meal, had time to read to her toddler, etc.  Well, I am the gal for that!  I can clean and I can definitely hold babies and love on them for any amount of time.

However, I couldn't help but think of two other babies that I already love; a sweet baby boy and a brand new beautiful girl.  How I wish I could hold them!

So, as the saying goes, "If you can't be with them one you love..."

The twins were a great substitute - for now.

Sweet Clover
and Rich

Watch this video of Rich, his timing is impeccable as you will see and he is a genius, I am sure of that!  ha, ha.  I love that he surprised his parents too!  The first of many surprises to come, for sure.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                         

Isn't he so cute?  Thanks for permission to post this, Karen.

THE BEST SURPRISE PARTY

EVER!!

For this cute girl!

Our one and only Bemmer-BO!

(At 8 years old)

We pulled off the biggest and best birthday surprise! 

I contacted a few of Emily's friends via text and FB and asked them to help me give her a MEGA surprise for her "golden" birthday.

Her friends are the best!  They were absolutely wonderful! They were more than happy to help.

And not one spilled the beans.

We drove halfway to Provo on Friday night, then the rest of the way on Saturday morning. (We had to leave to return to CO on Sunday morning; a fast and furious trip... well, not too furious, no one was angry, ha, ha!).

When we arrived in Provo, we picked up all of the necessary party items  and then went to the Cougareat at BYU to set it all up and make it feel festive!

Her friends were to arrive at 1 PM, which they did, and then Mary would bring her after that for the surprise.

Emily had NO IDEA that we were in Provo.  Not even an inkling.

Now for full disclosure:  Emily loves the color red (me too!) and so in thinking of Emily and NOT thinking of THE DAY we were having this shindig...well, not thinking through it fully...I decorated with RED.  Mm-hmm.  RED in the Cougareat, in the heart of BYU blue, on GAME DAY!  And not ANY game day, the big rivalry game day between the Y and the U!

Yes, we had looks and even a few comments and although I felt silly for setting it all up in red, I loved every bit of it. I was so excited to do this for Emily.

This birthday was special!  We had not seen Emily since she went away to college in June. 

My oh my, did that ever feel like a              l    o     o    o     n     n      n       n        g      g         g               time!

Once her friends had arrived and we had chatted with them for a few minutes, the kids, Jonathan and I went to hide around the corner.

Waiting for her to get there seemed like an eternity.  It wasn't.  But it felt that way because we were so very excited!

When she came in to the Cougareat with her friend (Mary), the rest of the gang began to sing "Happy Birthday" to her.  That is when we came out.  She was facing away from us so as we approached her, we sang along.  As soon as she heard us singing, she whipped around and BURST into tears!  So did I.  Tears, tears, tears.  And lots of hugs! 

It was the sweetest reunion, ever.

Mary is the one in the blue-stripe shirt next to Emily.  Greta is on the other side of her.  Those three gals are planning on rooming together as soon as their contracts are up and they can move in together.  I really love those girls!

Unfortunately, I did not get photos of all who were there (I was busy!) but I did try to get photos of many of those who attended.

  Ha  ppy birthday, Emily!  I love you!

YOUR MISSION SHOULD YOU CHOOSE TO ACCEPT IT

(MY mission...)

is to take one beautifully lived-in home belonging to a family of 6 and transform it into a show-home that has no appearance, what-so-ever, of the past 7 1/2 years and the daily memories made there. That would be 2,737 (+/-  a few days...).  That is a LOT of memories.

And so the mission began...

With Jonathan and the children gone, I went to work.

**I began trying to write this on August 29th.  I am now back to finish it (hopefully) on September 12th -Marilyn's b-day! (my niece)  Happy birthday!

In order to be marketable in our area and to be able to compete with new homes, everything had to be updated:

New carpet and paint, everything from the upstairs (that was left after the kids took their things) was put into storage or given away leaving it empty. Main floor needed photos removed, artwork moved around the home, some furniture removed and placed in storage or given away, closets and cupboards cleaned out, garage transformed, everywhere a deep cleaning and then staged for show.

It was exhausting.  I was working as hard and fast as I could from 5 AM to 1 AM daily.  I had my own deadlines to meet in order to be with my family in CO and just as I thought I was seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, there would be more to do.  There is always more that could be done.

My body ached, all of the time.  It hurt so much that getting into bed at 1 AM was no relief.  I would lay there in such pain that I could not get to sleep.  When this began to happen, I would think to myself, "There is no way I will be able to get up in the morning, I am going to be in a full-on flare up and not be able to move." 

My worry was that I would not be able to make it to CO.  Missing the first day of school, for the first time EVER as a mom, nearly killed me.  They were in a new place, a totally new environment with new teachers, new policies, new friends to be made, etc.  The first day of school is hard any way (for me) but to NOT be with them on the day they started a new adventure was really heart-wrenching.  I knew they would have so much that they would want to talk about.  My desire to get to CO to be with them was so great that it kept me moving forward.

Somehow, each morning at 5 AM, I would wake up and although my body hurt, I would get up and get working.  The rash on my face appeared (which usually means I am done for...) accompanied by a fever told me my body was shutting down but it kept going and I was not able to hold down food either.  I was surprised that I was still able to move (although rather painfully) let alone get all of that work done.

There was a feeling, a blessing, that continually accompanied me.  The Lord knew the desires of my heart and the difficulty my body was having in cooperating with those desires and He supported and sustained me.

But the work was not done by me alone.  There were such wonderful people who came to help and those crazy, wonderful people kept coming back for more!  This was not fun work at all!  But there they were, working beside me, taking time from their busy lives and/or from their families, to help my family and I appreciate them so much!  So, so much.  I wish I could more adequately express my love for each of them and my deep and sincere gratitude. 

My body was hitting a wall.  I knew it.  Without those beautiful people, I would not have been able to accomplish all of the things that needed to be done and especially within such a short time frame.  These people saved me.  Literally.  I do not say those words lightly.

AND  the house looks better now than it did when we moved into it!  Really, it does!  It looks absolutely beautiful!  Everything is bright and shiny.

I am so thankful to (my special op's force - Marilyn's "angels") Tim and Kristen, Jeff and Jenney, Dave and Ginger, Linda, Shelley, Arturo, Dave and Yunhi, Kim, Mike, and others who called to check on me or popped in and out while I was there working (and those who tried to feed me).

(I must insert here that when Jon and the kids left, we had no idea that we would need to do all of this work before I could join them, we truly thought it would be a bit of organizing, cleaning and staging - otherwise we would have come up with a different plan).

While working during the afternoon one day, I don't remember which day, my father-in-law called to see what I was doing and how things were going.  I told him all that I was working on and he let me know that he and Joan (my MIL) would like to go to CO and help Jonathan and the kids. my initial gut reaction was "YES!"    I thought that would be wonderful for the kids to have their grandparents there to love and joke with them.  They would create a wonderful distraction from the "move" and thoughts of them spending time with the kids immediately soothed my mother-heart.  I knew the children would love to have them there.  A little while later, Ben called and suggested that they could stay with the kids so that Jonathan could fly to TX and drive me back to CO.  When he said those words, I began to cry.  Instant relief set in.  I knew I needed help.  I knew I needed Jonathan to drive me.  My body was giving out.  The house was nearly ready to be put on the market and I would begin driving to CO soon; this worked out perfectly.  Little did I know how much I did need him to come and drive me home.  Because of the pain, I could only go a few hours at a time.  The first day we only made it to Oklahoma City, 3 hours away.  It took us a long time to get to CO.  Jonathan knew I would need time along the way to sleep and help my body recover and he was willing to travel like that.  I really appreciate it.  I wouldn't have made it without him.

I am so grateful to Ben and Joan for making that happen and for staying with and loving the children up close and personal for a few days.  Truly, I was sent more angel help and I recognize that and am so grateful.

Although I wasn't well when we arrived in CO, I was much better than I would have been if we had not traveled the way he suggested.  My body is recovering and if I could stop falling down stairs, I would be recovering more quickly! Yep, 'tis true.   :)  Life is always full of unexpected surprises, ha, ha.

Mission accomplished - in TX. 

Recovery mission underway in CO. 

    Tim and Kristen and family

(Need to look for photos of the other friends who helped!)

 

  (Our favorite part of our TX home - the heart of it).

ONE PERSON CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE

And there is one person, Lisa Hatch, who helped to open doors for me at a time when my life was changing drastically.

Lisa and I graduated from HS together.

As graduates do, we left our homes and moved on to other things (I would say  - the usual -  bigger and better but I'm a mom now and see leaving home differently than I did before).  :)

A few years later I was planning to move to Seattle.  I took a road trip with my mom and began my plans to move back up to that beautiful city of my birth and youth.

I should interject a little side story here:

It was a hot summer that year and I did not have air conditioning in my truck.  So, my mom thought it would be a great idea to bring a squirt bottle of water and spray me occasionally to keep things cool!  She nearly caused me to drive off the road a couple of times with her unexpected squirting! Oh, what crazy, fun memories! 

That trip to Seattle was a really great road trip - squirting and all...

 

On my way (from Seattle) to take mom home, I drove through the town of Provo, UT. 

As I drove through, a feeling of overwhelming happiness hit me and a feeling that I belonged there shot through my whole body. 

In an instant, I changed my mind and told my mom that I wanted to move to Provo instead of Seattle and pursue my plans there.

She was surprised, not shocked, this is me that we are talking about here...

But she had concerns...

Where would I live?  How would I live?  Where would I work?  What about school, etc.?

Mom was right to have concerns...I had no idea what I was doing!

BUT I knew that would all work out.

I drove until I found an apartment building that felt like (it should be) home and then parked my little truck and walked in to inquire about a place to live.

I was told that since fall semester would be beginning soon they were all full and the waiting list was a hundred or so names long...

not discouraged yet, I asked to be put on the wait list.

The folks at the front desk were surprised that I wanted to be put on the list but I said, "Yes, please, put my name on the list; this is where I would like to live."

It was then that Lisa walked in to the office.  Lisa happened to be the manager at that apartment building. What a surprise!  She was so excited to see me as I was her.  We hugged, I think we squealed too, and then she asked what in the world I was doing there?!  When I told her I wanted to live there, she said, "That would be great!  I'll let you know as soon as possible if we can work it out for you."  She glanced at the waiting list and gave me a look of "Oh, that's a lot of people" but I was so happy; happy to see her, happy that I had found my place, etc.  She took me to look at the apartments and I became even more excited!

Mom and I left and I drove a few more hours to return her to my dad and their home.  I stayed the night at my parent's home.  In the morning, the phone rang and I answered, it was Lisa.  Miraculously, my name had moved up the list by quite a bit and I was IN!

I moved in the next day.

Lisa helped me move my stuff in and we giggled about how amazing it was that my name moved up the list so quickly!

Within just a week or two, I met Jonathan and his brothers.  They too lived in my apt. complex.

I met such wonderful people there!  I loved going to church there and my Bishop put me right to work; it was awesome.  Everything else worked out just as I thought it would (work, etc).

Jon and I became best friends and 3 years after we met, we were married.

Lisa gave me that opportunity.  She was part of the bigger plan for my life, and I have been very grateful to her ever since. 

Lisa passed away this week.  She has been battling cancer; a brain tumor was found in May of  2010, she lost that battle on the 13th.

I feel sad that she had to suffer that way and die at a young age with children still at home.  My thoughts and prayers are with her family.

 

It is important to me to have this miraculous story recorded here and share my gratitude for a good and kind friend who made a HUGE difference at a critical time in my life.

 

IN THE WORDS OF MRS. WEASLEY...

"Where HAVE you been?"

Not you, Me.

 

Well, we have had some travels (which need to be added to the blog among other things) but in between those spurts of being gone, I have been living my life for Tuesday evenings. 

Last May a new church congregation was formed  for the young single adults of our faith in our area.  Our church was able to form this congregation for the young singles ages 18 - 30 (ish) which was so exciting!  These kids need a place for themselves.  They are in a transitional time in life and need each other and the gospel.  Unfortunately, in a lot of cases, this age group struggles with continuing church worship and service; yet they need it and we need them; the Lord needs them.

I had been working with this age group for nearly the past year when their congregation was formed (YSA branch).

When that happened, I was asked to teach a weekly class of religious studies (called Institute of Religion) for them that was to be held on every Tuesday evening.  

With utter shock and disbelief that I would be asked to fulfill this calling (that is the word we use in the church for assignment, as each job we are assigned is voluntary and the decision is made as a matter of prayer), I happily accepted.  The opportunity to teach these awesome people was exciting to me!  But I have to admit I was overwhelmed and humbled by the calling; feeling that I was not adequate or qualified.  When I voiced my concerns of not feeling qualified, I was told that the Lord had qualified me.  That was sweet to hear but didn't seem to instantly relieve my nerves.

However, the excitement of this calling pushed me beyond my nervousness and I went to work!  I studied... hours and hours of study and prayer in preparation for each lesson.  Week after week, the schedule was the same.  I would study and prepare for many hours while struggling to come up with the lesson plan that the Lord wanted taught.  Then on Sunday night/Monday morning, the thoughts would become clearer and I would put the lesson and power point together for the Tuesday evening lesson.  Tuesday, I finalized thoughts on the lesson, baked refreshments, packed up and set up the lesson at the church. I would teach Tuesday evening, stay and talk with the kids for at least an hour after as we took the tables and chairs down and then on Wednesday I would have to recover. Then the new lesson would begin.

In the beginning, I would get to the church on Tuesday an hour or so before class time to set up the projector, tables and chairs, etc.  That time had to change to earlier and then earlier each week, as the kids would start coming earlier and earlier to sit and talk with me before the rest of the students arrived.  Some came right from work and would bring their dinner and eat and chat with me while I worked on last minute set up tasks.  Some wanted to just talk about anything or discuss what we had talked about previously, they would tell me about work and their troubles, others wanted romantic advice...every moment with them has been PURE joy!

When I was first called, I was told to expect only a few to show up, at least until the word got out that the kids liked the class, if they in fact did...

so, I planned for around 5-10 students.

The first night we had 25.  Last Tuesday evening, there were around 50.   50! 

I was so excited to see that many coming to Institute.

It seems that a miracle of some sort happens every week.  These young singles are incredible!  I really love them!

It has been incredible to watch their faces as they understand a new concept or as the Spirit teaches their spirits and a light goes on in their eyes.  It has been so sweet to watch them change and grow as they learn and study together.  Over the course of the past few months, there have been many wonderful and life-changing experiences.

It has been amazing to witness the Lord's hand in their lives, and in mine.  Each week as I was teaching, new ideas would be brought out during the lesson, things I hadn't ever thought of before.  The students also had great insights and shared openly their ideas.  I would learn from them as they taught each other (and me).

The feeling in the room each week has been peaceful and powerful.  This has been the sweetest experience for me; I hope for them as well.

In case you haven't figured out how much I love Institute by now, I will say this...

I lived my whole life loving chocolate..., any kind was fine.  Then I went to Italy and tasted European chocolate; I knew I would have a hard time ever going back to regular, American chocolate and I have.  I'm sorry to say it but European chocolate is superior. 

As it turns out, I have enjoyed and loved most all of my callings over the years but Institute is European chocolate to me!  It is far superior.  :)

You can probably understand that this has not been a typical summer.  We have been busy!  One of my most favorite things that came from this amount of study was the time with Megan.  While Smash was at work, she would get out her personal progress book and scriptures, study and work on her goals alongside me.  I loved that!  She is also a great assistant!  She read every lesson and gave me feedback.  We had wonderful talks about the topics I was teaching.

Another great experience from Institute:  One of my Institute students, Samantha, began coming with a friend in June.  She started coming to church and began discussing the gospel with the missionaries. 

She was raised without the Savior in her life, so she knew nothing of Him until she began learning of Him this summer. I loved watching her grow and learn about His teachings.  She was baptized last Saturday!  It was such a beautiful experience to see her enter the waters of baptism.  The smile on her face could not have gotten any bigger!  When she came out of the water, she told me how happy she felt. 

 

Getting ready to start class, letting the students come in, get settled and have a treat before we begin:

I could go on and on (for a year!) about this wonderful class.  There is story after story, experience after experience, etc.  I love each one of these young singles to pieces!

OUR SEPARATELY TOGETHER ANNIVERSARY

Since I am in TX and my groom (Jonathan) is in CO, I thought it would be fun to do what we would do if we were together in one of those places...follow?

If he were here with me, we probably would have gone out to dinner because it was 106 degrees outside and I had a hankering for Pappasito's Cantina  - all day.  Mixed grill, Mmm, mm, good!

And if I would have been in CO with him, we would have gone up into the mountains for a nice hike together.  Well, he would have vigorously hiked and I would have trailed behind while taking photos and commenting about the beauty there. :)

When I called Jon and made the suggestion, he was really excited about the idea.  So, he left for Rocky Mountain National Park (we have a yearly pass to the NP's) in late afternoon/early evening while Meg and I went into Dallas for dinner together.  (Smash was working, bummer!).

Here is a photo of my beautiful view for the evening:

Megaroo

 

And here is a look at his lovely evening view:

Alberta Falls

And thanks to cell phones and texting, we enjoyed it together...

I am so glad that he participated!  He needed a break from work and he loves hiking and /or climbing in CO.  I could tell that it was a much needed change of scenery for him.  He should give himself permission to play more often!

Meg and I had a wonderful dinner and I loved the time with her.  She was a terrific date. 

All in all, it was a nice anniversary. 

Perhaps next year we will spend it together? 

That's what we said last year also, but...here we did it again...

 

only time will tell. 

We'll give next year a good try.  We will.

 

The year after, number 25, I think I may insist that we spend it together, perhaps in Costa Rica?  Ha, ha! 

I'VE ALWAYS LIKED THE NUMBER 23

Happy 23rd anniversary to us!

 

Since we are apart, I think it is appropriate to play our song from way back when...

we danced to this (several times) before I left for Italy and it became OUR song:

 Download 06 Meet Me Half Way

 

And sweetie, remember this one? Once we decided where we would be married, it came on the radio EVERY time I drove by! 

Download 07 Together Forever (Lover's Leap Re 1

Is it totally obvious that we were married in the 80's?! 

Ya, I thought so...if you think the music is telling, you should have seen my hair!

 

 

One thing was classic and beautiful, that is for sure, the temple where we were married.

If we were together in TX today, we would probably go out to dinner; at Pappasito's Cantina.

If we were both in CO today, we would probably go hiking together.

So, I'll go to Pappasitos tonight and ooo and ahh over the food, and Jon, you can go climbing or hiking and ooo and ahh over the views!  And then we can talk to each other tonight about it all!  :) Okey dokey?!

 

Happy Anniversary to my grandparents who would celebrate 73 years today...I guess they must be celebrating on the other side.

And happy anniversary to my sis and her hubby of 17 years.

The 29th of July is a wonderful day.  :)

TX-NM BORDER

SUNSET.

One of the (many) things I love about road-tripping is the beauty along the way.

This sunset on the TX-NM border was unreal!

The display of light and color was magnificent and continually changing.  I wish we could have stopped the vehicle and watched the entire sunset (but if I were to stop every time I thought something was beautiful we wouldn't ever get anywhere).   :)

The girls and I are enjoying a fun road trip together while the boys are at home working.  (No worries, they got in their play time too!).

 

Unfortunately I believe the breathtaking colors of this sunset (red/orange haze) were courtesy of the AZ wildfires.  I do hope those fires will be contained soon.

PERSPECTIVE

on this Good Friday, a little beauty and perspective for Easter weekend.

 

 

I have wanted to share this photo for over a month.  While on one of my morning walks (of healing and looking for beauty), I shot this perspective and fell in love with the outcome.

My desire to share my thoughts on this photo and what it means to me (and why I feel it is such a great lesson in perspective) has kept me waiting for time.  But time has not been my friend, and it appears that, at least for right now, I am not finding enough of it!

So, I will just leave you with a couple of things:

The bottom photo is the true perspective (as taken from the camera and from my point of view).  The tree in the background is reflected in a little stream.  But how I love that tree in the top photo..., coming from a different perspective - doesn't it look like a fairytale tree?!  A fairytale tree against a chimerical sky.  I love, love, love it! Without looking at this picture from another perspective, the fairytale tree would have been missed.

(Also, do you see the 'M' created by the blossoming branches in the forefront?!  Total bonus!)

We each see a situation, a place, a time, an experience, or even another person from our own perspective based on where we are standing (figuratively or literally); our viewpoint, what we have experienced, endured or enjoyed throughout our own lives.

Looking through the eyes of another perspective will lend us to a new and larger view.  As we open our minds and hearts to others and their unique perspectives, we add to our own, creating a broader and more clear view.

Sometimes our conclusions will change as we look through the eyes of another and other times our conclusions will remain the same.  But I believe - either way - we are enlightened and are led to become more receptive and compassionate as we understand another's viewpoint.

 

If you wish to see more in these photos, click on them to open and view them in a larger format.  There is so much I see in these photos each time I look.  Please tell me what YOU see in these photos!  I would love to hear what your thoughts are as you view them from your unique perspective.

 

(Gotta get working on that talk...)

WHAT A FRIDAY!

So, today is Good Friday and Earth Day and it's a wonderful day for a birthday.

 

This morning I wondered, "Why is today referred to as Good Friday when it commemorates the darkest day in history?"  (I do know the answer). 

But if we were to refer to this as Black Friday because it was such a terribly dark day (and think of another name for black friday the shopping day) then we could have Grey Saturday and Easter could be White Sunday.  Just a thought.  I'm not trying to be sacrilegious, I promise.

In complete seriousness and honesty, I do love Holy Week.  And I recognize how Good He was to sacrifice for us.  I feel blessed and humbled that He was willing to die that we might live.

Easter has become a much sweeter holiday to me as I have aged and grown through the years.  As a child, it was not among my favorite holidays; eggs and the easter bunny weren't really thrilling to me.  But while I was in Italy, I witnessed a whole different type of Easter.  One more focused on our Savior's Life, Death and Resurrection.  They begin by waving palms on Palm Sunday, the rest of the week is full of worship.  If desired, a priest will come to your home and bless it at some time during Holy Week.  They even have a traditional cake in the shape of a dove. 

As I learn more of Him, try to live as He would wish me to live and become the woman He would want me to be, my appreciation and understanding of His Easter gift grows. As our family traditions include more of Him (and less of the other), Easter is becoming a favorite holiday for me.

  I am grateful for Him.

 

 

Earth Day:

 And a birthday!

  My sis! 

It seems that my sister's tongue lashes out at me a lot, ha, ha!  She still loves to stick it out at me, even after all these years.  I love it. Almost as much as I love her.

Jonathan's brother, Grant, also celebrates his birthday today.  What a day!

 

Jonathan and I have been asked to speak in church on Sunday, yes on Easter Sunday.  With only two days notice, I need some divine assistance!  Please pray for a miracle - that I will be able to prepare a talk in 2 days, 2 very busy days! (Actually just one day now).

AN UPDATE

So, I have had a few inquiries about my health and my back and thought I would fill you in a little. 

Stop reading now if that subject bores you.  Frankly, I dislike bringing up anything about me and how I am feeling/doing...

 

The other day while standing in line at the grocery store, a lady ahead of me began to tell the cashier about her problems. The cashier was not remotely interested. The lady in line had injured her back and wasn't able to lift, bend, sit...she was in lots of pain.  I felt sorry for her, I knew JUST what she was talking about and I could relate to her all too well. 

But this lady appeared to be around 80. years. old!

My first thought was "HOW old am I?!"  Then I thought, "That poor lady is talking to a someone who doesn't care, she isn't even listening to her."  I felt the need to offer words of encouragement. (I also felt the need to go away from there and eat some spinach or something and make myself super strong!).

Really, it isn't very difficult to offer up a few words to another in need.  Sometimes a smile is all that is needed to brighten another person's day.

I have felt distracted by the events unfolding around the world.  I have been worried and concerned for the people in Japan as they try to regain some normality amid great loss.  Such a tragedy for too many people.  Their loss, their recovery efforts, their struggles go on and on and on.   It hurts my heart to think of what they have had to suffer through; especially the loss of loved ones, things can be replaced or gone without but a loved one cannot be replaced, just missed.  (Until they meet again on the other side).  I do believe that those who were less disrupted by these tragedies will be buoyed up by our prayers in their behalf and will have more strength to reach out and help their neighbors who have been devastated.

It is horrific to see that some people are willing (and are choosing) to destroy their own people in other countries, as is the case in Libya.  So sad.  This is unbelievable to me!  Although we have seen such evils throughout history, I still cannot understand a leader who would destroy their own country.

I have felt it difficult to write about our happiness with all of this unrest in the world.  But I do recognize that we are so very blessed and I should be grateful and give thanks, even in blog form, for the life we are living right now.  Our life is a gift and a good one. 

Back to my health:

The weather (as it warms) is helpful to me and my health.  It's been a bit of a rough winter.  Now that some of the major events are over for the time being, I am able to get some things back on track for me. My body likes the heat, which here in TX comes fairly early, very nice!  But I know that the heat hurts others and that bothers me.  I think of and pray for those others just beginning their struggles with health as I begin to feel better.

My back is still bothering me but it is slowly getting better.  I cannot bend, sit too long, or lift anything still but that's okay.  I am adjusting.  As long as I am careful, I am able to heal.  It is a frustration but I can handle things when they are difficult much better than I can handle not being capable of anything.  :)

I have been spending half of my day preparing my body for the rest of my day which leaves me feeling that I haven't accomplished as much as was needed or desired at the end of each day (ugh.).  But this too will improve, so onward and upward I go!  The time I have been forced to spend on healing my body has been good for my mind though.  There is always something to be learned while going through a new experience (or revisiting an old one, ha!).

There is the (rather uncomfortable) update.  If you have gotten this far in the post, thank you for caring about me.

HE LOVES ME FOR MY KITCHEN SKILLS,

I'M AFRAID.

 

While Jonathan is of town we have many conversations on the phone.  Morning, mid-day, and evening talks about everything.  It is the only nice part about being apart.

Recently, I have had a realization of sorts. 

I believe he misses my cooking skills more than the rest of me.

 

A few examples of why I have come to this conclusion:

When I told him how excited I was when I had a great, really insightful, very intelligent conversation with a friend, he answered with a somewhat disinterested "Mm-hmm, that's great."

When I shared with him how excited I was that some of the work I have been doing with Kim has paid off and I was able to help her land some much needed and very desired accounts, he is happy for me but doesn't really say much or get too excited.

When I sent a photo I took to him via e-mail, one that I was really excited about and couldn't wait to share with him he said, "You have an amazing brain."  I asked, "Is that good?"  I didn't know.

He chats with the kids and listens to what is going on with them and is interested...

 

BUT when he finds out what we are having for dinner -

he moans, he groans, he asks that we not tell him

because he can't take it.

He tells me how hungry he is and that he can't wait to come home and eat good food.

In fact, because his reaction to what we are eating at home has been so big, the kids are coming up with ways to really torture and tease him!  It's the latest and greatest game to play with dad now, ha, ha!

 

So, I have come to the conclusion that his love for me is directly linked to the kitchen.

And I am worried, seriously concerned, because I am now feeling the pressure of preparing the most love-filled meal.  What would be the best thing to make for him upon his return?  Really, it's got to be good!  Absolutely delicious! 

He's been out there, working hard and away from us for a couple of weeks...

 

it's a lot of pressure...

 

should I order take out?

Just kidding!  HA!

 

 

 

 

OH MY WORD!

***If you are visiting this blog through reader then this post may show up for you...I wrote this in January but failed to publish it at the time.  It may seem weird to post now but I wanted to keep track of it for my own records.  Thanks for understanding.  :)

 

My word for the year 2011 has given me good reason to reflect on my life.  It has given me a reason to look back at past years and words I have chosen as a focus for that year as well as what words I may need to choose in the years to come.

This life is such a wonderful growing and learning process.  I'm thankful for the opportunity to grow, I need it.  I do.  I do.

Cultivate was my word for 2010.  And as I reflect on my year and on the responsibilities, opportunities and people who were placed in my life, I feel that I chose the absolute correct word for 2010. 

It has been an enlightening year full of learning; not only for me but for many others in my life.  

My time has been spent nurturing and tending to those in need.  There has also been a lot of growing going on - - which is always good when cultivating!  :) 

I feel that this year especially, I have learned a great deal about the Lord's vineyard and his need for servants in the vineyard.  In my study, I have felt the Lord tutoring me through the scriptures on what it really means to prune and cultivate, to dig around the roots and to have faith in the growing process.  But more importantly, He has allowed me hands-on experience.  He has given me the great opportunity of applying what He has taught.  As difficult and heart-wrenching as this has been at times, I am thankful to feel that I have earned His trust.  The task at hand now is to keep moving forward, ever-working, ever-searching and ever-growing.

When I choose a word for the year, I search my mind, heart (and dictionary, if needed) for words which would have meaning to me at this particular time in my life.  I then narrow it down to 10 or less and kick those words around for a little while; really debating on which seems to be the most fitting.  I think of how that word may spur on growth and goals.  And the one that keeps coming back to me is the keeper.

This year, my focus word is "Reflection."

That may seem a strange choice, it did to me at first. 

I do not like living in the past, (however, I love learning from it).

Nor am I comfortable with seeing my own reflection - but this word has little to do with that type of reflection.

I do like to reflect on the things which are important to me.

I love light.

I do love to view the reflection of light and of others: in water, mirrors, windows, glass,  and through the eyes of someone who loves them.

I do love to see the love someone else might have for me reflected in their eyes.

And I want to reflect that same beautiful feeling when those I love look at me.

When viewing the reflection of someone or something, I usually see something in that reflection that I haven't seen before.  There are times when I see the beauty in a reflection before I see it in the subject.  Perhaps that is strange, I don't know. 

But I believe there is learning and growth to be gained through reflection.

 

 

 

HAVING A BLAST!

 

As tradition has it in our home, the children (young and old) generally find rockets (and engines) in their stockings on Christmas morning.  Sometimes the rockets need to be assembled and painted, etc., which provides hours of artistic fun; other times assembly is all that is required.

I believe the favorite part of receiving rockets in our stockings is the actual blast-off outing.

This year, Karen and Tyler, Brent, Tracey, Fallon and Amber joined us for our annual blast.

 

 

 

Fallon's new nickname - "Cousin It."  As she made her way around the football field, we had to laugh...if you remember Cousin It, then you'll know just what I mean.

It was a little chilly that day, everyone bundled up as much as possible.

Oh, and did I mention that Karen has put her pen down and picked up firearms instead?  Just kidding, the coat is a loaner from her dad.Fingers on the trigger! (Ha!)

I believe that Karen must feel very serene most of the time; her eyes are closed in a lot of the photos I took of her.  Tyler's taking great care of her.  :) 

 

I love watching the kids run for the rockets!
 

 For some reason our launch pad was missing.  So Jonathan made a temporary pad out of aluminum foil.  With our first launch, the pad looked like Jiffy Pop!  We pieced it together and flipped it from side to side until there was nothing left! It did, however, make it through quite a few launchings. Couple of things to note (for next time):

Buy a new launch pad.

Buy another launch pad

and set up two launch sites. 

Since the kids are older, shooting the rockets off one right after the other would be a real blast!

ON PROCRASTINATION

Last Saturday was our first Saturday in months, seriously...MONTHS, that wasn't packed with crazy and impossible demands to meet.

I was thrilled, I needed a break.  The whole family needed a day off! 

The evening before we had thrown a party for our YSA group so we were feeling the effects of that...mainly fatigue.  (A very happy fatigue).

Smash had work to go to and I was going to help a friend in the afternoon but other than that we were pretty much free.

It felt great.  So great, in fact, that I took my time getting ready.  I did a little of this and a little of that but not really much of anything major.

I thought several times that I should go and take a shower...but put it off. After all, there was plenty of time before it was time to meet up with my friend.  Taking my time to do anything and everything felt good and so I indulged  in nothingness...

Clouds rolled in.  Then they became ominous.  And then a little more ominous.

After walking outside and taking a good look at the clouds I determined that I needed to get in the shower immediately.  (Due to the obvious rotation in the clouds, I knew the tornado sirens would soon be blaring!).

So, I announced to Jonathan that I would be getting in the shower but to please come and get me if the sirens happened to sound.

Just after getting the shampoo thoroughly lathered into my hair, Jonathan handed me a towel and said I needed to get out and take cover. 

What a joker!  I knew he was just kidding...

He wasn't.

I got out and headed for the closet.

While waiting for the al- clear,

and with shampoo crusting in my hair,

I decided I should probably work on becoming less of a procrastinator.  :)

 

 

DEAR STORE CLERK,

 

Thank you for your help on a slightly difficult and moderately-high emotional day.

I hope you are not and were not traumatized by my visit.

Thank you for being kind to me when I broke down and shed tears all over your bright and cheerful store.

Thank you for appearing shocked that I am the mother of an 18 year old and then showing even greater shock at the realization of my 20 year old son as well.  Calling all the other clerks over to look at me wasn't really necessary though.

I was already feeling vulnerable...

You see,  I knew I looked more than ever the part of the mother of 4; in fact, I probably resembled a worn out mother of 12.

It had been one of those days.

The day when nothing seems to go your way. 

But I had things to accomplish and little time to make it happen so I pushed through the adversity of that trying day.

Top on my list of to-do's was to buy a watch for Emi's 18th birthday.  A watch (with a letter) which would symbolize the time we have shared together, how quickly that time has flown by, and the time(s) we will share in the future.

I nearly rethought my decision to "go in there" when I could not find a parking place.  At all.  Not a spot anywhere!  (It's not even the Christmas season yet).  Really, it's an extra-ordinarily busy shopping day when there is no place for a mini-cooper! 

However, I fought and I fought.  I did it, I fought for a spot and got one.  Of course, I made sure that the others circling the lot weren't moms with toddlers in the back seat, or the elderly, and then I fought for the spot and felt proud that I was able to secure it!  Oh, the day was turning around!  Finally.  Yippee!

Feeling rather victorious, I began my walk into the big shopping trap mall. 

That is when my shoe broke. 

Was I wearing heels?  Yes.  Sort of.  Really cute wedge-heeled sandals that have been a favorite pair for a long time. 

Did the heel break?  No.  The front of the shoe, the strap that holds the shoe onto my foot snapped.

That is when I snapped and started talking to my broken shoe myself.

I believe I actually said (out loud) "What?"  "You are going to do this to me now?!"

I stumbled, tripped and twisted over my shoe as it whipped around my foot by the thin ankle strap.

With only so much time to accomplish what I had set out to do and after fighting for and gaining a coveted parking space, I was NOT ready to give up!

There were only two stops I needed to make.  One to buy Miss Emily a book (Jane Austen) at the bookstore and the other to get the watch. 

The bookstore was in view, I could make it.  I could, I could, I thought I could...

if I just squeezed my toes tightly enough onto the base of the shoe maybe it would work well enough. Maybe if I tucked the strap under and tried to push really hard as I stepped, the strap would sort of help me out.

No.

Or maybe if I tucked the strap between my big toe and the next and then stepped gingerly along...

Nope.

What if I tried a combo of tucking the strap under, holding my foot down really firmly and shuffling along...

Ya.  NO!

I did it anyway.

Tripping all over myself. 

Sliding along.

Trying to make it work.

Stopping every other step to stoop down and adjust my shoe and PUT it BACK on my foot!

When I reached the door to B and N, once again I had the feeling that I had conquered!  And it felt good!

That is until I tripped on the way through the door.  (Ha!)

Jane Austen's books were not far from the door, thank heaven.

Only 22 (or so) stops and shoe adjustments necessary to get to the section.

I grabbed the best book possible. 

And then tripped, and slid and was irritated all the way to the check out counter.

While purchasing the book, I asked the nice lady behind the desk,  "Do you happen to have any duct tape or any heavy duty tape at all?"

She had packaging tape and scissors.  Yes. 

Packaging tape was better than nothing and I wrapped the strap of my shoe with it.

All I needed to do was get upstairs and buy that watch...well, and then get back out to the car.

But one step at a time.

In case you are wondering, no, there were no shoe stores in close proximity.

Taped and ready to go, I headed for the escalators, very, very carefully.

All went well with the tape.

I made it up the escalators

and into the store.

Phew.

A sigh of relief,

too soon?

Each watch was beautiful, but my search was for THE one.  It needed to look like Emily, have a good solid clasp, a nice face, etc.

And that is when we met, dear store clerk.

You were helpful and kind.

The perfect watch was clear to me - right away. 

When you asked me what I planned to do with the watch and I told you it was for my darling daughter who would be turning 18, you were excited for her (and me).

You asked such probing questions about my daughter, Emily, and our family.

As I shared with you my thoughts of Emily and the significance of the watch, you got more than you bargained for as I burst into tears.

As young as you are, I know you could not understand my emotional state, perhaps one day you will...or you will share what happened with your mother who will explain it to you.

Oh, how I wanted to get out of there without incident.

But it just was not meant to be.

With the perfect watch in hand and tears streaming down my face, I made my way to the sales counter...

and that is when the tape gave way.

My shoe went awry once again

and I stumbled

again.

And again.

Needless to say, going out (of the store and shopping trap area) was as interesting as coming in.

I held my tear-stained cheekbones high as I tripped (literally) my way out of the building

and hopped to the parking lot

and then bagged the shoe altogether in the lot and ran like a mad woman for my car!

Yes the parking lot ground was disgusting - -

but a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

And I would do it again, for our 18 year old.

Thanks store clerk for your help,

and I apologize if I have scarred you in any way.  :)

 

With warm regards,

Marilyn

 

 

HE WIFENAPPED ME

and took me over the border!

 

With very little time to prepare (only hours) he told me to get ready for a birthday getaway, and WOW, what a getaway!

We NEVER, ever, ever...can I say EVER (?) do this!  Never!

I guess I really can't say never now,

since we just did, so now I will say we rarely ever do this, ha!

We probably never (or rarely) do this because I complicate things (you find that hard to believe, don't you?).   Ha, ha!

Truthfully though, it always seems too difficult to leave.

But this time it was happening, so I just needed to get it in gear and go!

And it was so very worth it!

Now, I fear I will NEVER be the same again.

It was such a very sweet birthday, such a great trip.

Really, very thoughtful of everyone involved.

First stop...

Calgary!

We arrived at around midnight to a quiet airport and customs area where (upon being asked why we were in Canada) I announced, all too quickly and excitedly, that we were there "for my birthday!"

The customs officer, obviously amused, responded by looking at my passport and talking in a tone saved for a 5 year old (not a 45 year old) and said, "Why, yes it is your birthday!"

I was a little embarrassed at that point. But only for a minute. 

We stayed right downtown.  It was awesome! 

 

Very early in the morning, my eyes popped wide open as I wondered, "Am I really in Canada or was it all a dream?"  As the blues adjusted to the dark and blur of only a few hours sleep, it was apparent that we were, in fact, in Calgary, Alberta, Canada.  The blues were closed for a little longer while I tried to catch a few more zzz's, but soon enough they were open again and I was out on the balcony to see the city in a new light.

 
There is beauty in glass and sunshine!

 A couple of other things caught my eye from the balcony:

These four boxes lined up in a colorful row.

And this play area on the balcony of a building right downtown, in the heart of the city.Zooming in on the playground.

A little perspective on the location of the play area.  Cute.

 

Eventually I tore myself away from the balcony and we were ready to explore the city.  After a few inquiries about the best place to eat breakfast (all recommendations were the same!), and were armed with a map and running shoes, we hit the sidewalks.  The sidewalks (grates, which I don't like to walk on) had running shoes too!  Really clever. (Almost tricked me into thinking I might like to walk on grates). 

Our morning in Calgary was beautiful; just the right temperature for walking the city, the sun was shining brightly in a very blue sky and the air felt clean and crisp - an Autumn feel.

First up, a yummy breakfast at the Buffalo (1886) Cafe in downtown Calgary, Eau Claire. (Where I said, "I can't believe I at the whole thing!")  It was THAT good!  We both ordered what we wanted and when the plates arrived we wished we had decided to order one entree and share.  We each said there was NO way we'd be able to eat it all...

yet we both ate the plates clean!

 The city boasts of several lovely downtown parks. Prince's Island Park is only a footbridge (suspension bridge, exciting when it's windy!) walk away from downtown.  Located on a small island in the middle of the bow river which runs through Calgary and just to the north of downtown.

The island park was named after Peter Anthony Prince, founder of the Eau Claire lumber mill.  The park hosts many festivals and offers a daily reprieve from the city grind.  There is a play area for the kids near a picnic area for families, a sculpture park and walking/biking trails, all are meticulously cared for and beautifully landscaped.  I would love to visit this park in every season!

Suspension bridge connecting downtown and Prince's Island Park.

If you've lost your marbles, we found them!  Really cool marble sculptures in the park.

 

Olympic Plaza, downtown Calgary.  Built for the 1988 Winter Olympic Games (the year we were married) and the year of Tomba!

 
Also found in the Olympic Plaza is the Famous Five Statue, a beautiful sculpture exhibit of the five valiant women (click to learn more) who asked the Supreme Court of Canada in 1927 to answer their question, "Does the word 'Persons' in Section 24 of the British North America Act, 1867, include female persons?"

I especially liked the face of this lady, Louise McKinney, she looks kind to me (even in statue form), something in her face reminded me of Jonathan's grandmother, Lucile Ashton Lloyd. 

 

We spent only the morning in Calgary, we were in a hurry to get to Banff National Park and surrounding National Parks.

But before we left Calgary, Jonathan took the opportunity at the Olympic Plaza to reach new heights...

More on being wifenapped to Banff, Jasper and Yoho later.
 

BIRTHDAY MORNING IN BANFF (wasn't a dream!)

 

Although I LOVE the option to blog from my phone via an email address to the blog,

my phone did not take nor send a very good representation of my birthday morning.

Here is a better one:

G O R G E O U S, no?!  Yes.  Yes.  Yes!

 

And I'll share a few others, even though I have not had the time to go through all the (hundreds of) photos yet...and truly should not be taking the time to post.  I just can't help myself!

 

My fun meter was running so high all weekend that I still cannot contain the joy. 

 

Truly, I had to look at the photos to prove to myself once again that my weekend was not just a dream.

But it was! 

In all honesty it was a dream.

A dream within our real, very ordinary lives. 

 

(Red canoes!  Love those! And I love Emerald lake, Yoho National Park).

 

A dream that was serene and beautiful, selfless and kind.

Serene and beautiful were the vistas.

Beautiful, selfless and kind were the folks who made this happen for me.

(There is a very faint rainbow in this photo).

 

See?!  I was really there!  Mine is the one on the left.  Your eyes are NOT deceiving you, I am wearing tennies! (AKA sneakers, running shoes, tennis shoes, athletic shoes, shoes you never thought I wore...).

More beauty from the birthday of dreams to come...

 

WAKING UP HERE

On my birthday!

Happy "best day of the year" to everyone!

One of the best places in the world to be on my birthday.

Thanks, Jon, for "wifenapping" me for a beautiful, birthday weekend.

Thanks, mom, for having me on a holiday.

Love to you all from the "best day of the year girl" (or lady, as the case may be!).

Sent from my iPhone
Mar~

FOR SOME REASON

OR perhaps a few reasons, this anniversary was a bit hard for me.

Due to those ordinary, every day sort of distractions and commitments, we weren't able to make plans together on OUR day.

Since we are both adults and have been married for quite a few years, it really wasn't a big deal.

It shouldn't be a big deal.

But as the day passed by and the evening came without any time set aside for us, it began to bother me.

My mood grew from slightly mopey to majorly down in the dumps, tears ensued. 

I felt so conflicted!   My thoughts went from how many reasons I have to be grateful and happy (and I am!) to why I was upset.

We had to go our separate ways that evening and it was harder on me than I thought it would be, harder than I wanted it to be.

I could see that Jonathan was conflicted also.

We don't need to go and do something grandiose together; just spending time together doing anything is plenty.

I believe my heart felt pulled and tugged at because of other reasons as well.

It would have been my grandparent's 72nd wedding anniversary.  We were married on their 50th.  That was such a privilege for us to share in their special day.  I have always been thrilled and grateful to count our years with my grandparents.  This is the first anniversary without my grandmother here.  Last anniversary she wasn't well but we still exchanged "Happy Anniversary" wishes.  Each year we sent cards to each other and I always called her on the morning of our anniversary.  It was the first thing I wanted to do when I awoke and I couldn't.  Instead I said a prayer and asked if a message could get sent on to her.  The one thought that made me smile as I concluded my prayer was that my grandparents were spending their anniversary together this year. 

My sister also shares our day.  She was married 6 years after we were.  She too didn't have her hubby home and was alone without plans on their anniversary.  So we commiserated on the phone and wished we lived closer to each other so we could go out together!  That would have been a great answer to our anniversary woes.

Jonathan and I were able to spend time together on Friday; we shared a lunch then later that evening we went out together and had a terrific and very tranquil evening.  We talked and laughed and took goofy photos.  (As you can see from the photos in my anniversary post, I recover quickly!  I always have).

And we have come to a decision about our future anniversaries:

We will NOT be in town on our anniversaries any more. 

We will be gone..., AWOL, incognito, departed, out of town..but together. 

We deserve to spend that one special day together (or at least a small portion of it).

That isn't unreasonable is it?

 

 

22 YEARS...

So, this is how it looks...

(well, on us anyway)  :)

 

(Keep in mind, there was no one on the other end of the lens making sure things were in focus).

Friends for 25 years.  Married and still friends for the last 22!  (So far).

Our sweet girls are very interested in which was "our song" before we married.

Well, there was one song we liked - very much - before I left for Italy.  We would dance to it (as friends) at the Eagle's Nest Lodge located at the top of Bridal Veil Falls.  Back in day, 1985-86, we could ride the tram (which at the time was said to be the steepest aeriel tram in the world!) to the top and enjoy a fabulous night of good music, great views, lots of dancing and fun friends.  Although the tram ride always made me a bit (or a lot) nervous, it was also exhilirating and definitely worth the ride!  There was nothing quite like reaching the top of those falls and that beautiful mountain; what fabulous memories!

 

(Bridal Veil Falls)

Download 06 Meet Me Half Way  (Kenny Loggins, "Meet Me Half Way" - our song).

  Looks like we've both changed a bit...

He's matured and I may have lost some hair!  Ha, Ha!

 

"WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE SONG WHEN YOU WERE LITTLE?"

My girls asked me that question today.

My answer?  "What year? I had a lot of favorite songs, so it depends on the year."

Meg: "Okay, how about 1972?"

Me:  "Hmm. (Thinking...) My sister would have been one, I was 7...let me see..."

My initial thought was ANYTHING by the Carpenters!  I LOVED the Carpenters, still do.

In 1972 though, there were a couple of songs I really liked.  One of them was The Candy Man by Sammie Davis Jr.

This is not a great recording, there is a slight buzz, but it is fun to watch and is from 1972.

Lean on me was also a favorite. The clothes alone are worth taking a peek at this video. 

Now, if they had asked which song was my favorite in 1975, it would have been this one, hands down!!  I still love this song!  (Who would have thought that 11 years later I would be waiting on a postman to bring me 'letters from my boyfriend so far away'?  I was in Italy and Jon was in the States.)

Oh, how I loved the Carpenters. Really. Truly. (And that boyfriend too.)

COUSIN CAMP IN THE BIG D!

My kids were all going off to camp, Jonathan too (with Smash).  I was going to be all alone.  My plans were to organize, repaint a room or two, deep clean, listen to loud music while I worked, read, and possibly rent a chick flick and cry..ha, ha!

But the Friday (or Saturday, it's a blur), before they were to leave (on Monday and Tuesday), my cousin called and said she wanted to come and see me!  WOW!  And double YAY!!  I was shocked, surprised and thrilled.  It has been over 22 years since we have spent any time alone together.  Of course we have seen each other throughout the years but always with kids or others along.  While we were talking on the phone, I ran through all of the things I had planned to do - a tough decision - have Teresa come or complete my list of tasks.  Work vs play...work or play...work or play...of course PLAY won! 

So, while the fam was away at their camps, we had cousin camp.  With her travel time, we really only ended up with a couple of days together but we packed in as much as possible...mostly a whole lot of talking!  There was quite a bit of Mexican food consumed as well, and a lot more talking.  And talking.  Yet, I still think we could cover more subjects if we were given the chance!   We did go see a few of the Big D sites: where JR was shot, where JFK was shot...seeing a trend?  Ha!

We enjoyed a night out at the Music Hall at Fair Park in Dallas, the Broadway musical of Dreamgirls happened to be playing.  Dreamy fun! 

(In front of the Music Hall)

I still can't believe she came!  Thanks Teresa for coming to the Big D and for allowing me to take your picture (she's camera shy), otherwise I might have thought it was all a dream.

(Dealey Plaza)

X marks the spot where JFK was shot.  You can see it in the middle lane.  Is this too morbid to post? 

And finally...

A photo for my niece Karen. 

She loves to take photos of her shoes in the places she visits; a sort-of proof that she was there.  This cracks me up because she really could be anywhere and just snapping pictures of her feet then duping us into believing that she is somewhere she isn't...ha, ha.

I told Teresa that we needed to do the same thing.  We are standing on the sidewalk across from the assassination spot.  We really could be anywhere, but I am telling you we were there.  ;)

A MUCH NEEDED JUMP IN THE LAKE

AND a fish tale at the end...

While we were out of town, Meg was out of her normal routine of going swimming each morning to loosen as well as strengthen her back.  We have found that if she swims each morning, the pain in her back is significantly lessened.  One morning she reached a point of desperation and BEGGED us to take her swimming.  It was raining, at times pouring...not lightning though.  I asked if she was sure that she wanted to swim, even in the rain, she assured me that she did. 

So, off to the lake we went.

I told her to "GO jump in a lake!"  She giggled and jumped right in.

In fact, we all jumped in.

Meg was a very happy girl.  She swam long enough that we were still there when the sun came out (and stayed out for quite a while). 

Droplets of rain in a very warm lake (even with the rain!) and a huge smile on Meg's face!

Honestly, the lake was so warm that - with the rain - I believe it was colder on the shore.

Once she was feeling quite a bit more spry, Meg and Smash began to entertain us...Sea World style...you can call them Shamu One and Two. 

Warning:  There are a lot of photos to wade through...

Shamu and opera?  Who knew?

Hats off to you too, Smash!

I can almost read her mind...she's thinking, "Mom, you REALLY want me to waste perfectly good hair and makeup by getting completely immersed in the lake?"  OR  "Why is it you always bring out your camera?!"

  The photo below is a Where's Waldo  Jonathan picture:

And now for the FISH TALE (and dead fish tail)...

Jonathan thought he was really funny and clever when he would swim beneath the surface and then try to scare us.  Ooo... sooo... funny!

I am not scared or freaked out easily in the lake or water in general. 

But on this particular day, I was nipped by fish a couple of times on the leg while in the lake; my leg must have looked extra shiny and bait-like that day (note to self: probably could use a tan).  To be honest, the nipping did bug me a bit, it was a shock to all of a sudden feel a little sharp tug on my skin. 

Jonathan, again in funny mode, thought it would be really funny to pull my suit away from the back of me (only for a second).  When my suit snapped back onto my skin, I first gave him THE look, then I told him that it felt like he put a dead fish down my back.  OH, he laughed and laughed...still in funny mode...

The more I protested what he did, the more he laughed.  As I was trying to convey to him that it really felt like he had put a fish down my back, I whirled around to face him and saw a small, very small, dead fish floating in the water.  Right behind me.  Right where my back had been just before turning to face him!  Appalled!  I was absolutely appalled!  And yes, I was done at that point.  No more swimming for me.  Little dead fishies have a way of killing it for me.

He still swears that he did NOT put a fish down my back. 

The whole scenario was just a bit too fishy for me...

the jury is still out.

LITTLE HOUSE

ON THE PRAIRIE.

And in Dallas!

Little House, the musical.

Thanks to Emily and Jonathan, I was able to enjoy an evening out with my girls in the big D while feeling totally at home on the Prairie...so to speak.

For Mother's Day, I received tickets to attend Little House on the Prairie (the Musical) with my two darling daughters. 

Jonathan and Smash were going to be out of town for the weekend so it was the perfect time for a little girl's night out!

The girls and I walked into the Music Hall together and I couldn't have felt more happy.  I was accompanied by two of the sweetest girls around.  They were both so excited and thrilled to be there.  We had dinner in the dining hall just before the show began.

I enjoy them both so much.

They talk about funny things with me - and I love every moment of it!  I very much enjoy seeing the world through their eyes, even still.  Looking at the world through the eyes of one's very own child just never gets old, not to me anyway.

The musical was energetic and fun.  We enjoyed seeing Melissa Gilbert perform in person! 

But it is hard to not see her as "Half-Pint" or "Laura" even though she has aged.  And we really missed Michael Landon as Pa; who could fill those shoes?  I always loved Caroline Ingalls played by Karen Grassle (she reminds me so much of one of my Aunts) that I missed her as well.  But the girl who played Laura in the musical did a fantastic job.  They all did great.  The choreography was clever and really enjoyable.  What a treat! 

At the end of the night, Meg was looking around for Melissa Gilbert and was sad that she couldn't find her.  When I told her that we wouldn't get to meet her in person, she looked so very disappointed.  Meg held up her program and said, "Oh, I really wanted to meet her!  I wanted to tell her how cute she was when she was a little girl!  And ask for her autograph.  Oh, and tell her she is still cute because I don't want to be rude and tell her she was only cute when she was little!" 

For the first time in my life I wished (in that moment) that I was an important person in some respect, that I was a powerful woman with the kind of clout that would have allowed me to escort my daughters back stage so that Meg could get an autograph and tell Melissa Gilbert that she is cute!

Photo taken during dinner with cell phone.

I wish cell phone photos would turn out better!  But at least we have photos!

MAYDAY, MAYDAY!

Don't check your calendars, it is still April but I am sending out a RED alert!

Please don't call or text my cell phone....

it is gone, gone, gone.

Well, you can try but you will not get a reply from me.

Polli (my cell, the girls from my class at church picked out her name) is either in the hands of an unruly teen, or has been destroyed.  Either way, I don't have a phone

and I am sad, sad, sad.

Silly to be sad over losing a phone, isn't it?  Yes. 

Well, when one puts their entire lives into a device such as this - notes, calendared events, all contacts numbers, addresses, e-mail messages (some from Nathan!), photos, scriptures, alarms and reminders, music, and lots more - it hurts a bit. 

A lot.

Feel free to try to reach me on the home phone (please leave a message) or send an e-mail, in fact, please send me your cell numbers and addresses and birthdays, etc. since they were all in my phone!

FITTING IT IN MIGHT NOT BE THE RIGHT FIT

RECENTLY, I am finding it difficult to blog, time constraints, desire constraints, etc.

But because I still really want to keep this updated for our own benefit (journal) as well as keeping family and friends in the loop, I have been fitting it in.

Writing in the middle of the night (or early in the morning) and then publishing whenever I get to it.

Some of the entries have been scattered here and there as I try to get old news on here but not have old news take over...and yet, if I focus on the past I cannot fill in during the present...

but I have been plugging away, fingers at the ready on my laptop, even though.

However, this morning as my eyelids pried ever so slowly open, I recalled writing on the blog late last night.

What did I write?

By late Friday night I am usually a little out of my weary mind.  Probably NOT the best time to fit in blogging...

Why didn't anyone stop me?

Well, in their defense, the girls were asleep and the boys were gone.

So, I got up and hurried to the computer and found that a link I had put on here didn't work, not a big deal I can easily fix that,

but I am not sure the entry made sense either,

after thinking about that I decided "again no big deal..." I probably don't make sense frequently... just keepin' it real...

but then I noticed a spelling error!

I typed in where instead of wear.

Oh dread.

That is not me,

or is it?

I do know the difference, don't I? 

But it got me wondering if I have made errors like these in the past as well and I just haven't gone back to check the error of my ways.

I know, I know, it is not the worst thing in the world but I would feel sad if my grand-kids read this and thought I didn't know how to spell.  (Although with texting the way it is these days, they may not catch any of my errors...)

So, this morning I am wondering if fitting in the blogging is the best fit fir me for me. (HA!)

I may be scheduling time with Daisy (my laptop) during normal waking hours from now on; that is, if I can fit it in.

THERE IS ONLY ONE WAY

TO BE COMPLETELY "FAIR" TO ALL

of your children,

all of the time....

{drumroll..., please...}

Have one child!

Now, I am not saying that we should all have one child (I like kids, lots of kids!),

but it is the only way to avoid having your children tell you that one of the (other) children is better off than another and you (the parent) are just not "fair" to all.

This, the fairness thing, begins early.  As soon as there is a sibling and one of them can talk...actually, it begins well before that, it happens when one can grab...no, I am correcting myself again, it begins when one child receives a sibling in newborn form.  The newborn can even be in on it, are they hard-wired that way?  Did the fairness fairy sprinkle them with fairness dust before they arrived here? 

Who told them that all would be fair? 

As a mother, I have dedicated my life to serve these four individuals. 

Individuals.

They are called that, individuals, because that is who they are; each is unique and different from the others. 

And I like it that way! 

In fact, I have been striving for the past twenty years to keep them that way.

Parenting to the individual; in order to help mold, shape, teach and train them to better themselves spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically. 

That is why I support their choices in activities, classes, friends, likes, dislikes, etc.

Purposefully, I work to parent to their particular needs, desires, personalities, strengths and weaknesses.

As a young mother, when I saw other mothers telling their children - "No, you don't want that!" - as in that piece of candy, the food that just dropped to the floor, that particular toy or drink, that color of shirt, etc., I would think to myself, actually, yes he/she does want that.  That is why the child is on the floor kicking and screaming to make a point.  A child asks for something because they do want it, or think they do.  I felt it would be more honest to let my children know that I didn't want them to have something and why but give choices for something else or a reason as to why that would not be able to happen that day.  I felt it important to not project my likes and dislikes on to them. And I felt it extremely important to always remain in the mother role; allow them freedom to choose while giving them guidelines and structure surrounding those choices.  

Do they (my children) always get what they want?  Oh, heavens no!  But they have been raised with what they need.  They are also very fortunate and blessed, I know that and I am thankful.  Hopefully they appreciate those blessings and opportunities that they are enjoying.

I have believed my methods of parenting to be completely "fair" or at least well-balanced.

However, what is fair to an adult and what seems fair to a child are two different things, aren't they?

So, this week as the fairness fairy sprinkled her dust around our home once again, I was reminded that children, no matter how good they are or how old they happen to be, don't always see things the way we think they do.

At first when I realized this was going on, I went into shock and awe mode.  What?  How could they think I would NOT be completely fair?  Me?  The mom who believes that consequences must fit the crime...the mom who parents to the individual...the mom who loves each of them fully as they are currently...the mom who has given the past 20 years to teaching and guiding them...

hmm.

Now, however, I am thankful that it came up.  This week provided me the opportunity to share with the children my thoughts on parenting and why I do what I do.  It also provided opportunity for me to tell them how I care for them individually, to share with them how much I love them.  I was able to tell them how much I welcome feedback and would love to know how I can do better as a mother.

This fairness issue also provided opportunity to remind them that sometimes, when things come up with one child, the consequences or action taken on our part as parents is NOT broadcast to the other children.  There are times when it is necessary to talk with them collectively but not always.  So, sometimes, things may seem unjust but may actually be quite the opposite. 

It also provided opportunity to let them know in a nice way that some things are just none of their business.

While trying to explain to them why I parent the individual, I talked with them about my mission as a mother.  We had really great discussion on that.

They also learned (verbally) that I am teaching and training each to be the best Megan, Nathan, Ashton, or Emily that they can be...I am not trying to help Megan be the best Emily or Smash that she can be, or Emily to be the best Megan, or Nathan to be the best Emily, etc.  (Yes, I am still including Nathan even though he is not here.)

Just as I cannot change a carnation or rose into a daisy...even though I love daisies...I cannot treat my children as if they are all the same and get great results, I cannot change who they are and who God intends for them to become, I can only assist and guide them to reach their individual potential.

To further illustrate this to the kids, I let them know that they would never eat a Chip's Ahoy cookie the way they eat their Oreos.  It's impossible.  They twist the tops, eat the middles and dunk the cookie in milk.  (They seemed to understand that, even though I don't buy Chips Ahoy!  ha, ha!).

So, maybe it is possible to be completely fair, or maybe it isn't. 

Growing together through the ups and downs of family life is totally possible and I think it is better than fair.

WHEN I AWOKE THIS MORNING

I was crying.                  (And craving popcorn?!)

That is NOT my favorite way to wake up in the morning.

Not that I wake up crying frequently...

or craving popcorn.

Honestly!

I was dreaming. 

Crying in the middle of a dream is bad enough but waking up with real tears?  That's worse.

Seated on a bench with a lot of extended family, I looked down the row and saw my grandmother holding a darling little baby on her lap.  She was smiling and cooing at what seemed to be a great-grandchild of hers.  I was so excited to see her!  Immediately I thought, "I have to make my way down the row to talk to her..., how can I get over to her without creating a commotion?"  It seemed at this point that we might be in church.  Realizing we were in church, I thought I would have to wait until it was over but I didn't want to wait.  Questions were swirling through my mind.  All the things I have wanted to discuss with her were flashing quickly before me.  Thinking that I could be discreet, I began to get up and quietly move down the row.  Just as I nearly reached her, I looked up to her again and realized she had changed and was now my aunt Mary.  

I would be thrilled to see my Aunt Mary any time.

But the dream seemed so real!  I believed I was going to have a conversation with my grandmother and I was so disappointed that I began to cry.

That's when I woke up, crying.

And craving popcorn.

The popcorn is easily remedied, I wish the conversation with Grandma could be as well.

.

But I have been wondering if there is a cousin of mine who might be having another baby?

.

Off to pop some corn!

MOMENTS FROM A DAY

IN THE LIFE.

It won't be referred to as a typical day

well,

because I don't believe in a typical day.

Why not?

I don't know, really. 

But it must be so

because I have yet to see a repeat in any of my days.

Nothing typical here

unless you count the unusual

and that may be what we could look at in order to refer to any of my days as typical,

unusually... typical...hmm, I like it!

Follow?

Me neither.

But you don't have to know what I said, just what I meant.

On to my day:  (No worries, I won't share ALL of the details!)

5:20 AM  I was out and about with Emily.  Our other vehicle is with a friend, so Em needed me to provide transportation for her this morning.  I'm awake at that time anyway, not coherent, but awake.  And I enjoyed the few extra moments with her, she's a busy gal.  While driving her to her early morning class of scripture study, I looked up at the stars.  They were bright (for here) and I was thinking of how much I love the beauty of those balls of gas.  One in particular caught my eye, it was brilliant.  As I looked at it to determine which star or planet it happened to be and why it was shining so brightly, it shot across the sky!  A unexpected fiery shooting star.

And that is when I thought to myself, "Isn't it wonderful that God blesses us with little beauties, little gifts when we least expect them?"  Without any expectation on my part to see such a sight at 5:25 this morning, yet, there it was.  A gift for leaving the home (early and in my pj's) with my daughter.

Seriously, today was long and a bit difficult and that shooting star kept me thinking and afloat all day.

The morning routine was especially crazy; by 9 AM, Marin and I had completed so many tasks and were so tired that we both needed naps!  She got hers while I cleaned up the dishes and kitchen.  The nap idea seemed awesome but I am not a napper; once I'm up and ready for the day, I am up and going and cannot shut down. 

Marin and I worked hard.  There is some re-training that needs to take place, you see.  Little Miss Marin wants to be HELD by me - all day!  Where did she get that crazy idea?! As much as I would love to do that - and even though I might have led her to believe this is the custom in our home when she first arrived - I cannot keep holding her ALL day.  So, I am unsuccessfully trying to teach her that I am the adult and that she can and should play on the floor independently of me for short periods of time throughout the day.  Thus far, I am losing the battle.  She has my number and knows that I am weak!

Take a look at how happy she is when I hold her:

 
  Trying to redeem myself from the not so great photo of Emily, these were also taken with my cell phone and with my arm stretched out to take the photos.  She really is such a doll!

Megan left this morning with money in hand to donate for Haiti.

We had a fun little conversation about donations.  When I said, "I hope they will give the money to a group or charity fund that is matched by HP (Hewlett Packard)."  She asked "What do you mean?"  After explaining to her that HP has matched dollar for dollar money raised for Haiti (if given to authorized organizations), she became really excited about this idea.  So excited in fact that she had her mom (me) matching her donation dollar for dollar as she went off to school.  Love that girl!  It's important for kids to have the opportunity to give when there is a great need such as this, I believe it empowers them and helps them to worry less when they feel they have done what they can.

Marin and I made homemade soup and bread bowls for a sick friend. 

After running the afternoon races, Meg home from school and off to gymnastics, Smash home from school, off to a percussion lesson and home again, he and I delivered the food to our friend.  Moments in the car with the kids one on one, it just doesn't get better than that!

Jonathan has been dealing with some difficult situations recently and they are consuming all of his time.  The last few days have been extremely difficult.  However, he is a great comfort to those he is helping right now.

Emily is playing the french horn in the pit orchestra for Beauty and the Beast at the HS.  She has been spending many hours practicing for it but I think she loves it.  She constantly sings the music when she comes home.  Performances begin this week.  She came home from practice late tonight sharing her excitement about play.  Can't wait to go!

There were many moments today when Megan reminded me that in 2 weeks, in only 2 weeks, exactly 2 weeks from today, she will turn twelve!  She is so excited!  Tonight when she sent me her letter for Nathan so I could send it to him for her, it was full of..."Guess what?!  In two weeks, I am turning TWELVE!"  I had to laugh as I read her sweet letter.  She talks to him in a letter just the way she would if they were sitting in the kitchen together.

Love those little moments that remind me why I love to do what I do.

CULTIVATE

MY WORD for 2010

Definition for cultivate:

to prepare and work on (land) in order to raise crops; till.

to use a cultivator on.

to promote or improve the growth of (a plant, crop, etc.) by labor and attention.

to produce by culture: to cultivate a strain of bacteria.

to develop or improve by education or training; train; refine: to cultivate a singing voice.

to promote the growth or development of (an art, science, etc.); foster.

to seek to promote or foster (friendship, love, etc.).

          to seek the acquaintance or friendship of (a person).

Last year my word was embrace. (link to post) 

At the start of 2009 I felt a deep desire to hold on...

to embrace it all.

I believe I did just that.  At least I know I gave it my very best effort.

As I set small goals for myself throughout the year, I considered this word I had chosen for myself.  It proved to be the perfect word for 2009.

Many more changes for our family are certainly on the horizon so I will continue to embrace what comes my way.

It took me a long time to decide to use the word cultivate for my focus for the year 2010.  Partly because it isn't a pretty word and also because I am not planning on moving to a farm, well, not just yet...who knows what's in store for us?!    :)

But as I considered what this year looks like and who I want to become, I couldn't find a better word; especially with describing words such as improve, promote, develop, foster, seek, labor, attention, education, growth and refine in the definition, so CULTIVATE it is!

Here's to a year of cultivating good things and a new (or better) me!

A NEW ADDITION

WILL BE JOINING OUR FAMILY

this next year!

We are very excited!  (I am extremely over-the-moon!)

More details to come...

if you are curious,

or think you may know what our new addition will be,

feel free to leave a comment (except for Jonathan and/or the kids, they know too much...).

I am sure that my friends Gayla and Stacy will be very excited with this news...okay girls, let's hear what you have to say!

THERE IS A BIG HOLE IN MY DOughNUT PARTY!

We won't be here!  (And I can't change that!)

That causes some problems in getting all of the donuts fried and served to our 300 donut-loving party goers.

Last year, we had a similar problem due to band, etc., so I held our annual bash on a night other than Halloween. 

That was hard for me.  I couldn't imagine Halloween without our party.  But it ended up being fun and we still had a massive amount of people join us.

This year, there isn't another night free to immerse ourselves and our donuts in one of my favorite traditions.

(My neighbors are NOT going to be happy!)

Jonathan suggested a Thanksgiving donut party, but I love our Turkey-eve pie party...

this little donut situation is leaving a hole in my heart.

Sorry to all of you who join us each year!

Candy will be out on the porch.

Next year...next year...

LIFE AS USUAL

One week down, nearly. 

Tonight I am excited because we should hear from Nathan tomorrow.  Let's hope he gives us a lot of info and details!

Tyler (aka Karen's hubby) sent me a text the other night that was reassuring to me.  He works at the training center where Nathan is right now and he happened to run into him.  He was able to talk with him.  He told me Nathan was doing well, tired but well.  Oh, to have the inside scoop!  What a thrill!  That meant the world to me.

Jonathan is back into his routine and although he gets warn out quite easily still, he is doing better each day.  Smash is VERY much back to his normal.  Meg feels better today.  Emily is exhausted but healthy.  

Please, please, please let this be our new trend!

This afternoon I began to feel less like the grim is following me and more like myself finally...now if I could only find that 'Sandman' and have him bring me some good old-fashioned sleep!  (That's what Emily needs too, maybe we could get a two for one special?)  

Megan had an appt with her ear specialist today and another good report!  Her ears are still doing well.  Her doc was thrilled with her progress and so are we!  Ears to you, Meg!  :)

*

Something happened today that let me know that life is returning to somewhat of a norm for us. 

An altercation of sorts.

The parties involved probably wouldn't want me to find humor in it but I do!

The party of the first part, let's call him Smash, decided to get under the skin of the party of the second part, we'll refer to her as Emily.

And what tool did the party of the first part use to get under the party of the second's skin? 

A cell phone.

Here's the story:

There are two cell phones available to the kids.  The most reliable one goes with Emily now that Nathan is gone.  The other can be checked out by Smash or Meg, depending on who needs it, etc. 

Tonight Smash had to play the drums at a football game, I couldn't stay for the entire game so he wanted to take a phone with him, just in case.  Immediately after telling me that he would like to take a phone, Emily started making a case for why she needed the reliable phone to stay with her at home.  Smash and I had already decided he would take the old and beat up phone with him but she was not aware of this.  The more she went on about the phone, the more he wanted to torment her.  This made her a bit upset with him and the altercation began.  She let him have it.  It was slight, I let it die out on its own.

But their little rift gave him all the internal permission he needed.

Smash took both phones, put the old one in his pocket and hid her phone upstairs.  He then came to tell me about it.  She was so upset with him, thinking that he was taking the good phone to the football game, she wouldn't back down.  He didn't let on at all, he let her believe that he was taking it without her consent.  (We had running around the house, etc, you get the picture!)   I asked him to at least bring me the phone and promised him I wouldn't give it to her unless she really needed it for some strange reason.  He hid it in the family room and told me where it was. 

He claims that he was teaching her a lesson, he thinks she is addicted to texting.  (I've seen a lot worse, believe me!).  I personally think he has a slight case of   j e a l o u s   but it is fun to hear him ramble on about his ideas.

While we were talking he said, "I really wanted to take it, cuz...well..., it annoys her!"

And there it is!  The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

*

I believe we are getting back to life as usual (for us). 

PLEASE DON'T FLY WHILE UNDER THE INFLUENCE

OF CRAZY!

Wednesday was a bit of a crazy day, actually to be more truthful with you, Wednesday was just a (unique) Wednesday, I was crazy! 

Nathan and I had been staying with my Aunt Valarie for a couple of nights, this allowed us a nice place to sleep and a location close to where we needed to be in order to finish preparing him for his mission.  We had plenty of shopping still to do so his last day and a half were (packed!) spent running from place to place buying last minute items, getting his haircut, being fitted for suits, shoes, shirts, etc. 

On Wednesday morning (our last morning together), my Aunt Valarie asked what we would like for breakfast, I felt the need to hurry and get going so I told her we would grab something quick on the road.  We drove to McD's, I wasn't really hungry, nerves I guess, but Nathan was very hungry.  We ordered, I drove to the next window and paid, then drove off!  As we passed the 2nd and 3rd windows, the front of McD's and began to head out on the road, Nathan told me (as he pointed at McD's with a forlorn look in his eyes) that I passed up our food.  What?  It didn't register.  I had to ask him what he meant.  When I realized what I had done, I had to back up, get out of the car, walk to the drive-up and retrieve our food from a friendly and very happy server.  I know she was happy because she couldn't stop laughing!

Even though I tried to briefly explain why I wasn't my usual self, it didn't really register with the employees of McD's, they just thought I was funny!  Besides that, they don't know me, so they really didn't care...

This was only the beginning of more to come.  Maybe I should have let my Aunt feed me a good meal in the morning, it might have helped me start my day the right way and could have possibly kept the crazy away

or at least at bay.  Because later that day...

I fell under the influence of crazy again.

Perhaps it was because I was absolutely exhausted to the bone or maybe it was because I had not yet fully physically recovered before I had to travel, it might have been due to the fact that I had just said goodbye to my son for the next two years, but something slightly snapped in me and I just wasn't myself that afternoon.

The ride to the airport, although it seemed long and lonely, was uneventful.  Actually, it was uneventful right up until I was almost to the airport.  I had just waved goodbye to my sis on I-15 as I took the exit heading west, she continued on I-15 north toward her home.  As smooth as the trip northward had been, I was sure that the rest of my drive would be the same. 

I was wrong!

Knowing that I needed to fill the tank with gas before I returned my rental car, I began scanning the exits for signs of stations.  The road that I normally would take for gas was crazy busy and backed up, it was also causing a slow down effect on the freeway, so I drove on.  Thinking that the exit after the airport exit would have a gas station, I drove on.  Wrong again!  It didn't.  I had to turn around and go back to the road I was trying to avoid.  Traffic was backed up, time was ticking and I really don't like that feeling.  Eventually, I arrived at a station and began filling the tank when a rather unsavory character approached me for money.  He actually frightened me a bit.  I honestly didn't have anything for him; I hurried back into the car and drove as if the little rental had suddenly turned into a race car.  I weaved in and out of traffic.  I used all of the knowledge acquired from living in the DFW area and made it to the airport in record time! 

Once at the airport, I opened the trunk and grabbed my suitcase.  The rental assistant couldn't get his computer to cooperate so he dragged me from place to place.  Because I had been distracted and felt nervous about getting checked into my flight on time, I failed to thoroughly check out the rental.  Once I was cleared to go from the rental desk, I RAN (like the wind) to check in. 

All checked in and going through security, I had made it and I was feeling rather fabulous about it.  In fact, I was feeling so fabulous about making it that I felt rather light. 

No, actually, really light. 

Too light. 

Then I only used ONE tray through security, I always take up two.  Why only one?

My camera!  My camera along with my lenses in my camera bag were not with me!  I had left them in the car.

Immediately I ran from security, not sure at the time if that was okay to do but I did it anyway because it was my camera...and photos of the son I won't see for another two years.

With panic written all over my face, I approached the desk.  It had been a good 20-30 minutes since I had been there and my flight was boarding soon.  I rushed through my situation with the front desk, they called on the camera, and no one had seen it.  Hmm.  Really?  A large, RED camera bag?  Okaaayyy?!  I told them that I wanted to go back and inspect the car and surrounding area myself.  They made another call.  Still no sign of it and the car was already gone, it had been taken off-site for cleaning.  Oh dear.  I asked them to call the cleaning service site and let them know that I was waiting for my bag to return to the rental office.  They tried but couldn't get ahold of anyone there.  They assured me that they would find it and send it to me or call my sister and have her pick it up.  It was too long for me to wait, they said the camera would not make it back before my flight left.  I gave them all of our information and ran back to the airport and through security again.

Jonathan had said he would follow up with the rental folks so I could get on my flight. 

After I reached my gate and was in line to board, I spoke with Jonathan again.  They told him that no one had found the camera.  They said it was never in the car.  I knew that was not true.  It was there.  My sister and niece had both seen it in the backseat when I drove off for the airport.  Completely panicked at the news, I got out of the boarding line and told him I was going to stay and find my camera.  I was visibly upset!  As he was talking me through it and we were trying to figure out our options (there was not another flight out that night), I had another call come through.  Jonathan was put on hold, and I answered the call from the car rental.  As if by magic, my camera had suddenly appeared and they were bringing it to the airport.  Hallelujah!  But they would need me to meet them at security, they could not go through security and bring it to me.  I ran to the airline agent for my flight and asked if I had time to run to security and pick up my camera.  He said I only had a couple of minutes, so if I thought I could make it quickly, I could go.  I RAN back to security and began to scan the crowd for the rental car employee with my camera.  At first I didn't see anyone but when I finally spotted him, I realized I did not have enough time to go through security again.  Some security officers are nicer than others, so I quickly searched the faces of those there and landed on a nice grandpa-looking type.  I ran to him, told him my story, showed him that I had already gone through security twice and asked what I could do.  He let me know that he would take care of it for me.  He hurried over to the man with my camera, put it on the conveyor belt to be scanned (no waiting in line for him!) and handed it to me with a smile. 

Absolutely relieved and grateful were the emotions I felt in that moment. 

Once again, I was off like a shot! 

I ran to my gate, boarded my flight and as I strapped myself into my seat, the mental stress of the day hit me all at once. 

An emotional dam that had kept my tears in check burst at that moment.  Massive amounts of tears flowed like a raging river. There was no concealing it.  No way to make it pretty.  It was an ugly, heart-wrenching cry.

And people stared.  A lot.

No one talked to me, they only stared.  They were probably afraid of me.  

Apparently people don't like adults who cry on planes as much as they dislike crying babies, who knew?!

I was the lady who rushed into the airport with tear-stained cheeks.  I was the lady who was overly stressed about checking in for her flight on time.  The lady who ran in and out of the airport a couple of times.  The lady who ran away from security.  The lady who aborted her flight while every one else was boarding.  The lady who left the aircraft to return to security one more time (for a camera!). 

Yes, I was the lady who was flying under the influence

of crazy!

*

Beware: this could happen to you too. 

From now on, I will be nicer to the crazy lady on my flights.