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October 29, 2007

Comments

Valerie Chandler

My mom used to say that compliments deserved a "thank you" and that was all. I tend to try to talk people out of praise, but I think my mom was right. It's gutsy to praise someone and it's respectful to be grateful that they were kind.

I don't think that weaknesses and struggles are for general consumption. They are so personal and intimate. I think that it takes a trustworthy and loving audience to share those things.

In the South people are generally very open about the details of their lives. If one valued that culture, it exists here in the USofA.

Kim

I chuckled when I got to the part about her saying "you are rude" and you not knowing what to do. I could totally picture your face at that moment.

I agree with Valerie that a simple thank you is the right way to receive a compliment. We are all embarrassed to a point with compliments. I don't know why that is. Maybe because we all concentrate too much on our weaknesses.

We have a very open household also. We talk all the time and are very upfront (for the most part) about why we are grumpy, sad, happy or excited. I have always tried to teach my kids that the more open you are with your feelings, the less stress you have to carry inside. It makes for a more mind-healthy life.

Emi~

That culture is very interesting.
I don't exactly agree though, because when you are humble, you are modest, meek and you don't show a sense of superiority. By giving a negative comment about someone would say that you feel superiority over them and you are better than them. This is not very humble.
They might look at it differently. Maybe they feel like your spouse "belongs to you" and is part of you and when saying something negative, it shows that you don't feel superiority over the other family or person.
But... By saying "You are rude" doesn't show humility.
I think it is just very confusing!
Mom, I like how we talk about things.
Maybe in social settings we could be a little more open with each other. Sometimes though, if we are too open and forthright, someone might make a comment they feel is okay but the other person may take it too personally.
I love you!
Emily

Karen

Wow. That is so interesting. I don't take compliments very well, but I don't know how I would adjust to such a cultural change. I'm not too fond of being criticized, either..

We've actually had a little bit of drama with that here in the apartment... no one likes criticism, and like Emily said, sometimes people do make comments that others take too hard. And sometimes, some things ought not be said.

I like to think of my roommates as cheerleaders, we've really been working on building each other up.

That's definitely some food for thought. Hmm...

Jonathan

I've been practicing on my rudeness, it is coming along nicely

JD

Stacy

This is all very interesting. Marilyn know's I'm pretty much an open book. I like it that way for me, but understand it's not for everyone. In my job I'm sworn to confidentiality, and take that seriously. I also encourage the kids to be forthright with themselves. Nobody is perfect. They will see that I am not. I know they are not. That's okay with me. If attacked, I will stand up for myself, and others who do not deserve it, however if it is something constructive that I can learn from, I welcome criticism and suggestions. To me, it's all about intent. Oh, by the way, I can also take a compliment, so you can all compliment me on anything you like, as long as it's honest, and not a fluff compliment. We should all try to say what good things we find in life and each other. Love you Marilyn, and I will always shout out your praises!!!!
:-)

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