MARRIAGE HOMEWORK

"YOU have homework!"

3 words I didn't really want to hear.

It's been a long time since I have had a real homework assignment.

When the kids have paperwork for me to fill out for them, or forms to sign and funds needed for something at school, they often come to me and tell me that I have 'homework'.

That's not exactly the kind of homework I like.

So, this time when Smash came to me and told me I had homework, I assumed I knew exactly what kind of homework I would be doing; a few grunts and groans escaped me.

However, when I picked up the paper and saw the homework, I was very surprised!

Not at all what I expected, it was (actual) homework for his English class.

 The class had been studying Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet and his teacher asked that we fill out a brief survey.

The assignment was titled "The Perfect Mate" and she asked the students to list the traits (physical, personality, etc.) of their perfect mate and then try to figure out what traits their parents would list and write those down in detail.

Likewise, I was asked to write down the traits that I thought my son would look for if he was searching for the perfect mate and then list the traits I would consider most important if I were choosing the perfect mate for him.

We were to make these lists without consulting each other at all or looking at what the other had written.

A couple of thoughts came to me immediately when I read the assignment:

1.  In my children's (real) lives, I do not want the task of choosing their perfect mate; I just want to love their choice!

2.  The traits of the perfect spouse for Smash now will surely be somewhat different when he is an adult and is making this most important decision.  :)

 

On the day he turned in this assignment, he came home from school and told me,

"The class liked what you had to say on the assignment!" 

I was somewhat shocked and asked, "You had to share that with the entire class? I thought it was just for your teacher!"

He replied, "It was for my teacher but I thought I would read it to everyone!" "I told them when I walked in to class, "Well, my mom knows me better than I know myself!"

 So, what did I have to say?

What traits would my son look for in the perfect mate?

Here are some of the things I wrote down for the assignment:

Adventurous!

Someone who is kind and thoughtful, open-minded, a deep thinker but also FUN!

She would need to be attractive with an infectious smile!  (Apparently the kids really liked that I said infectious...).

Somewhat easy-going but able to be organized and on time.  Ha, ha! (He would appreciate an opposite in that area!)  :)

He will want her to be physically fit and able to play sports, an athlete.

He will want a wife who can COOK - and is a GOOD cook!

Loves kids.

He will also want her to have a spiritual side and love his family, because he does!

 

Next I had to write down what traits I would consider most important.

Here is a bit of what I wrote:

I would want her to ADORE him!

I want him to find a someone with the traits he thinks are important. I hope by the time he chooses a mate he will think very carefully about what he wants and needs from a wife. 

I hope he will choose one who is: Happy, spiritual, kind, generous, thoughtful, well-grounded, dependable, on time :), patient, smart, able to keep up with him, likes children, wants a good relationship with his parents :), and is beautiful to him.

 

 His lists were, of course, shorter than mine. But we are in pretty much in sync, as usual.

His perfect traits?

Athletic, strong, coordinated, probably blond, loves sports, would do activities with him.

Smart, loving, loves little kids, kind, caring, funny, enjoys being around him, loves to play games.

Someone he loves being with!

Loves to be with family - hanging out.

Good, Great, Fantastic COOK!

Willing to take risks.

Fun, fun, fun!

 (As you can see, he is an active, fun-loving and very hungry young man!)

 

Now, what did he think I would write?

Member of our church, spiritual, likes being with his parents, sweet, good cook, able to keep him in line and cares about family.

 

You know Smash, what traits do you think will be important for him to look for in a future spouse? I'd love to hear your thoughts!

 

One day his wife may actually read these lists and I want to tell her that I am sure she is much better than either (or both) of these lists.  She will be a truly wonderful person, I just know it!

A real person is better than a list of requirements, any day.

She will be his choice and he will be hers. I love her for that already!

 

 

Comments

[Karen]

I also think he'll want/end up with a woman who is good with money. It seems to me like Smash is very conscientious about his finances--and he'll want someone who is the same.

But what a fun assignment! And while it sounds like Smash had a pretty good idea of what you'd say, I bet it was pretty eye-opening for some kids, and generated some good conversation--that may never have happened otherwise. Very very cool.

[Jonathan]

I see Ashton with someone whom he loves deeply and who loves him deeply in return.

I believe they will both be very hard workers and laugh a lot together.

I see them bringing the very best out of each other.

And... of course... the cooking thing will be pivotal!

[Grandma Honey]

It will be fun to keep this list and compare later on down the road. (privately of course :)

[Ginger Upshaw]

As I read this I was thinking of what in the world does my MIL think of me??? Do I do all these things for her son? I need to be a better wife!!!! Thanks for the reminder.

[Kim]

You do know your son inside and out. It will be interesting to see who he does eventually choose.